Chill, Dude

So lemme see if I'm gettin' this, you say we're all from another planet, right? And panspermia just deposited our genes here like a discarded milky-way condom, and umpty-billion years later we sort of just became and now we want to terra-form the planet into some techno-synth, hellish nightmare world with slaves and smart gadgets and soylent green-type food, and we're all controlled like zombies via government issued cellphones, and we secretly rebel by living a virtual second life of psychopathic fantasy on the internet, and never have to bathe, cook or worry about unprotected sex 'cause it's all virtual, not real, spurious. Ok, sure, I’m with ya.

Dude are you on crack? Listen to yourself. Does any of that sound sane to you? Snap out of it man, you're losing your structural integrity. Focus- don't taco on me man.

We're on planet Earth. We sleep, eat and have sex in the dirt dude, if we cut we bleed blood, not pixels. You need air and water and shelter and food to survive, internet hype and cellphone texting masturbation isn't gonna procreate the species ya know? HEY, I'm talkin' to ya. You been takin' those med-cocktails again haven't ya an' washin' them down with that Internet Kool-aid, huh. I told ya that stuff would mess-you-up. Don't listen to me though, I'm nobody, I'm just some dude in the real world, standin' here tryin' ta help ya in real time, with no pop-up advertising.

I can only imagine where you originally panspermia-ed from dude. You're whacked, smacked and jacked. You've been feedin' your brain pan too much anime porn dude. Do I LOOK like a rhesus monkey with puppet wires janglin' out the top of my head? PUT that cellphone down before I slap you. You can't go out in public talkin' this kinda smack. They'll gag and bag you for sure. Naw, I ain't bailin' you outta nothing brah, I highly recommend you take the 5th.

#no_chill_challenge #talking_smack #advice #monologue #contemporary #hyper #prose #dialogue #william_calkins