I am something without teeth

these days I am more mouse-caught-in-mousetrap than anything else.

what is a girl if not a collection of:

                                                    half-forgotten memories

                                                    misplaced emotions

                                                    bruised knees and weeping eyes

                                                    iron nails hammered into ribs

                                            and  something hollow in the wrists

in this colorful mosaic of regrets, I learned how to be consumed and

               how to become something that knew the price of survival.

there: an old friend my words stopped reaching.

there: a distant family member in a coffin.

there: a missed opportunity, filled with laughter that doesn't come from me.

who would have thought I'd hang on this long?

I have never been able to envision a future, too enraptured in the past.

the present is a gift I returned three birthdays ago, receipt in hand

and mouth empty.

my nails are torn off;

                                I imagine claws in the empty space they leave behind.

become a wolf, a mountain lion, a coyote--

something with a chance of survival.

did I mention the maze yet?

always twisting and turning, lost no matter what path I take.

hand against the wall, I walk

                                            endless

                                                                                            to another dead end.

I am stuck, possessed by a banshee wailing her regrets;

the only one I can name

is my name.

mouse-caught-in-mousetrap, soon to meet a hawk-hungry-in-the-fields.

tell me, is a maze without an exit a challenge or a death sentence?

either way, I trudge on, bleeding, bruised, lost and losing

                                                                                                        everything.