April
I want a violent death.
Car accident, a murder, a suicide
Anything, everything.
I want to feel the fear,
Quick and hot in my chest
The confusion, the calm.
I love the pain,
It makes me feel like a human—
An animal.
I’ll do anything for a little hurt—
I love it when he hits me hard,
Harder, Harder
I want to go to Hell!
I’m a sexual masochist God, please.
Every one I know
Will be there, anyway.
Who could die in
A white room, human made,
With chemical smells and
They won’t even let you smoke—
And go to a white Place with a white God
And sit in a white placid
cloudy calm for
Ever,
Never.
I need red hot blood and terror,
Let me feel the Devil latch
On to me with claws like fire.
I need to know my end—
Feel it ruining me.
To know all my cells are dying and turning off like
Little lights,
Never go gentle into the night.