Chapter 3

Alan shut the door behind him and stepped into his dark apartment. He sighed, contemplating whether he should turn the light on or not.

Ari might already be asleep so it’ll be fine. He thought, flicking the switch. The dim light turned on, giving him just enough light to see to get to the fridge. During the day time, the sunlight was brighter than their light but at night, they had to use the old fixture to see.

He opened the fridge and bent down to look through it. A sub was pushed to the side of the fridge, untouched. He pulled it out and examined it, trying to figure out who’s it was.

“Ari’s?” he looked for any markings. “Or Vernon’s?”

He put it on the counter and turned back to the fridge trying to find something to drink. He straightened, confused. “Was it mine?”

Shaking his head, he grabbed a soda from the bottom shelf of the fridge. To his relief, it was unopened. He turned, shut the fridge door with his heel, and picked the sandwich up off the counter. He walked to the couch and plopped down, switching it on to the news channel.

As he unwrapped his sandwich, he listened to what the news anchor was saying.

“There was an accident on Interstate 78 this afternoon. A truck driver fell asleep at the wheel and caused a five car pile- up ...”

He tuned it out as he ate. He looked behind him at the wooden door that was shut.

“Is she really sleeping?” he asked himself.

Taking one more bite, he set the sub down on the coffee table and stood up. He walked to his sisters bedroom and opened the door a crack. Letting his eyes adjust to the darkness, he saw her flopped over the bed, blanket barely over her.

He walked through the doorway and pulled his sleeves over his hands more. Grabbing the edge of the fluffy purple blanket with his covered fingers, he pulled it up and over her. He tucked it over her shoulders and stood back, satisfied.

He left, shutting the door quietly behind him. He smiled for a moment but then it disappeared as Lucas’s words came back to him.

“Don’t you want to have a family?”

His head dropped and he looked down at the floor, his sleeved hand still holding onto the doorknob. He stayed like that for a moment, thinking.

Do I want a family? He asked himself. I don’t want to let them down like Dad did…

He stopped himself, not allowing his thoughts to go there. It wasn’t fair. His hand

dropped from the doorknob and he took a couple steps away from the door before stopping. A certain feeling filled his chest, spreading through his whole body. It was cold and foreign and for a moment, he thought he was having a flashback from the doorknob.

But I didn’t touch it.

And then it was gone, leaving a feeling of loneliness in its wake.

***

Alan sat in his chair, flipping his pen over his thumb impatiently. He had his red hood

pulled over his head, trying to block out the surrounding noise as best as possible. He studied the open book before him, propping his head up with his other hand.

Someone bumped into his back as they dodged a paper ball. They laughed and picked it up, throwing it back.

He glared at them but kept his mouth shut. He felt safe in his jacket, secure from the

invading memories and habits. After reading the old flower woman yesterday, he had picked up on the habit of tucking his non existent long grey hair behind his ears. Just thinking about it, he reached up and tucked the ends of his red hair behind his ear.

He jerked his hand down and held the edge of his book to keep himself from doing it again. He gritted his teeth as the people around him got louder. He slammed his book shut with a loud snap and everything was silent for a split second.

And then the door opened and a girl walked in. Her dark black hair danced around her waist as she entered, shutting the door behind her. Her brown eyes took in everything in a single glance; the two obnoxious boys standing on either side of the classroom, one about to throw the paper ball, the group of four girls in the far corner whispering about the latest drama, and the other people that were scattered about, minding their own business, and lastly, Alan.

She made eye contact with him and for a moment, Alan didn’t want to look away. An

easy smile spread across her face, making her beautiful eyes light up. She ran a hand through her hair, flipping it over to the other side before heading to her seat, the front left corner. She sat down, hooking her backpack on the hook on the side of her desk.

Alan looked back down at his book and pulled his sleeves over his hands even more, the secure feeling growing stronger.

He studied the edge of the sleeves, battered and worn from their use. He loved the

jacket as it had protected him for as long as he could remember. He rubbed the edge of the cuff between his forefinger and thumb for a moment.

I need a new jacket.

The teacher entered and he straightened, reorganizing the pens and book on his desk. Class was starting and he had no time to think about his jacket or the dark haired girl.

****

Ari straightened behind her brother as they stood in line, waiting for their food. She

stood on her tippy toes, trying to be the same height as her brother.

“Why are you taller than me when we’re twins?” she asked, pulling on his shoulders to shorten him. He shrugged them off.

“I don’t know,” he answered quietly, stepping forward. “Why are you so short?”

She huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. “At least I’m not a jerk.”

“Look, Ari, I’m kind of tired,” he looked over his shoulder.

She perked up and peaked around him. “You read someone, didn’t you? You always get moody and tired after reading someone.”

She watched him for a moment as he reached up and brushed the tips of his hair behind his ear.

“Oh,” she pointed at what he had just done. “You did! You even have their habits!”

He glared at her. “It was that woman who sells flowers at the corner.”

She laughed. “The one that always yells at me whenever I stop to smell the flowers?”

Pinching her nose, she spoke from the back of her mouth, trying to imitate the woman. “You don’t get to smell them if you ain't gonna buy ’em.”

“Hahaha, very funny,” he rolled his eyes. “But yeah, it was her.”

“What did you see?” she prodded, poking his arm. “Tell me.”

He ignored her for a moment as he slid his tray down the line, telling them what he wanted.

“I saw her son as a baby,” he answered, waiting for her to get down.

“Her son? He’s been gone for years!” Ari said, leading him towards their normal seat. “When he left for college, he never called or came back. Never wrote, never visited, never showed his face.”

“Why?” he sat down.

She shrugged. “I don’t know. They don’t know either. You probably saw that scene because she hates the fact that her one and only son doesn’t even call.”

He chewed on his lip for a second, thinking. “Wouldn’t you get over it eventually?”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “Get over it?” she laughed. “You can’t just act like your son, which you carried for nine months, birthed, and raised to the age of eighteen, didn’t hurt you by leaving and never coming back. Could you?”

He nodded. “Just don’t think about it. If you don’t think, you don’t feel.”

“Is that how you deal with grief?” she asked, frowning. “Is that why Mom and Dad’s death was so easy to handle?”

He stopped eating and swallowed, shocked. “What? No!”

“Then how was it so easy for you to act like nothing has happened?” she raised her voice. “Was it easy to forget them by not thinking about them?”

He bit the end of his tongue to keep from snapping at her. Steadying himself, he answered. “We’re just dealing with it differently.”

She scoffed. “Sure, okay. That’s great.”

She stood up and grabbed her tray. “And I bet you didn’t even remember that this is the one year anniversary of their death, did you?”

And then she was gone, stomping away from him. He didn’t blame her for being mad because he hadn’t remembered. Maybe that’s why he’d had that weird feeling last night. He thought back. It had been around midnight by the time he’d gotten home, around the time the accident happened.

He closed his eyes as hot tears boiled up. He rested his hands on the table and took a deep breath but it didn’t stop the tears from flowing. He reached up to wipe his tears away but he stopped when he sensed someone standing next to him.

He opened his eyes and looked up at the girl. He recognized her immediately, Jules Wiles, the girl who he had seen earlier that day. She carried herself with control and confidence, each step having a purpose.

She reached out and wiped one of his tears away with the edge of her thumb. His skin turned cold as he anticipated a flashback but none came.

“Sorry,” she smiled. “It just makes me sad to see someone crying.”

And then she was gone, continuing on her way. He watched as she sat down a couple tables over with a group of girls and guys, laughing.

He reached up and touched where she had, confused.

“Why didn’t I see anything?” he studied his hand. “What is this?”

He looked back at her, watching as she pulled her hair up into a ponytail.

“Is she special?” he questioned, letting his hand drop. “Or did it go away?”