Some Other Time

James wishes he knew what they were.

They held each other every night, the four gray walls of their dorm room at Briarwood Prep, the only which had seen it. They shared "I love you's." They shared dreams.

In his head, James saw a future: he saw himself and Chris in some great city, New York or Paris, unafraid to just be themselves. The crowd too full to care. But he began to doubt if Chris saw that same future.

He did not see the quiet way James's heart broke when he suggested that he start "dating" Nancy Callahan. "It's not real." He insisted. But it's 1965. And they're seventeen years old. And what people think still matters.

Chris had become paranoid, when his younger brother began asking questions as to the nature of their relationship. Perhaps bringing James to Thanksgiving was a mistake, a hidden line that took it all too far.

"It's not real." Chris said. "It doesn't change how I feel about you."

But in that dance hall, looking on as Nancy and Chris whisper and laugh and dance too closely, it feels real enough to James. He looks after them, joined by Chris's commiserating brother, who's love for Nancy mirrors his for Chris.

He looks at them--the perfect couple. The star basketball player and the studious book worm. And he saw that future too. The marriage, the kids, the suburban home, the easy life that Chris could have.

Long enough, he stares until his heart can't handle the burden. Briskly, he stands from his table of broken hearts and escapes outside the hall.

A slow tune begins to play, an old Broadway ballad. On the Town if James can recall:

Where's all the time gone to?

Haven't done half the things I want to.

Oh well, we'll catch up some other time.

James begins to cry, because the lyrics feel all too real. He leans himself against a strong oak tree and lets his eyes flutter closed.

He wishes he did not see Chris and Nancy arm and arm when he did.

His eyes fly open as a strong hand grips his shoulder. He turns to see Chris, his Chris, with love and sadness in his eyes.

He does not speak a word, but James can hold it in no more. "I know you said it wasn't real. But it hurts. Seeing you with her."

For a moment Chris is confused, as if he'd forgotten Nancy's very existence. And then his face twists into a mysterious sadness that only he could understand. Lightly, Chris grabs the sides of James face, pulling him in until their heads touched ever so lightly.

James closed his eyes once more. Allowed himself to breathe Chris in; his perfumed scent, his steady heartbeat, as if this was the last time.

"Please." Chris begs, truly begs. James had never heard such pleading in his voice. "Just hold on a little bit longer."

James starts to sob, though he wills himself not to, for fear of looking weak. "I don't know if I can." he chokes out.

"Once we graduate, we disappear. We can be anyone we want." Chris says, and James looks up, eyes filled with sudden wonder. Because this is the first time Chris had mentioned that future at all. And in that brief glimpse, James could see--the love, the passion, the dreams the two could share. And it was beautiful. And it was worth holding on to.

Just when the fun is starting

Comes the time for parting

But let's be glad for what we had

And what's to come

James had almost forgotten the music, lightly dancing in the spring wind. Chris holds out an open hand. An invitation, and a promise.

"Dance with me?"he asks. And James looks around in awe, because the world was all around them. The starry sky, the grassy campus, the dance hall full of life, only a breath away.

"Here?" he asks, unsure he heard the words. Perhaps he merely dreamed them. Because they were far from those four gray walls and so close to normal it hurt.

"Right here." Chris confirms. "Right now."

And James wrapped himself around the man he loves for all his might, because he did not know when this moment would end. And they swayed, two souls in the empty night. And perhaps that beautiful future would not be or could not be. But right here, right now they were perfect. And that was everything.

And lightly that tuned continued. That beautiful sad tune that had somehow become theirs.

There's so much more embracing

Still to be had, but time is racing

Oh well, we'll catch up some other time.