Sometimes, I can’t help myself...

″Liar!” I proclaim in my mind almost as soon as I write the title.

″Excuse me?” I ask back to that part of myself making proclamations from within.

″You CAN help yourself, every time, you just keep choosing not to.”

“What?”

″I was quite clear, and will not repeat myself. I will add though; it may behoove you to pick another phrase so you’re not making a liar out of yourself.”

“A different phrase than what?”

″Different than, ‘Sometimes, I can’t help myself.’”

"What about impulses? Don't they count?"

"For the average person, sure, but we both know YOU are very aware and thusly capable of not only knowing an impulse when you feel it, but making the choice instantaniously about whether or not you're going to allow or deny it.. so.. no, it doesn't count."

“Right...Okay.. um..”

″See, we knew you knew.”

“How about you tell me a more accurate phrase then?”

″Okay. Your new phrase is... ‘I think, therefore I am.’”

“Seriously?”

″It’s about as intrinsically true as we can get with a self-explainatory statement.”

″...I think, therefore I am...?”

″You made that seem so uncertain. Don't you feel the truth in it? Don’t you recognize the cataclysm of it? Don’t you agree its brilliant sussinctness?!”

"You mean it like... 'I think I can't help myself sometimes, therefore I don't' kind of thing?"

"Yes, that exactly."

"So.. I'm not a liar then, because in the moment I thought it, I was being totally accurate."

"Yes, yet you didn't just think it, you wrote it. The thought may have been truth in the thinking, but you went beyond the thought of it and chose to ignore your knowing that you could simply.. cultivate a new/different thought, and lied to yourself about being unable to help yourself sometimes; because you already possess the knowledge and understanding that you can ALWAYS create/have/reach for a different thought; which is the truth you're actually seeking."

"You're saying I made a liar of myself because I already know the power of my thinking and posess the self-discapline to use that knowledge to make choices in all things, yet proclaimed a powerlessness/controlessness in saying 'Sometimes, I can't help myself'..?"

"Boom! Nail on the head."

"Thanks, I can write my piece for this challenger then?"

"Pretty sure we already did.. in dialogue. "

"Maybe in the context of establishing a baseline for my control over my thinking..sure.. but we both know that wasn't really the offering I wanted to share, not just that anyhow."

"..Air and Opportunity in the form of more blank page.. get to writing then!"

Right. I think, therefore I am. I might even go as far as to say, I think, therefore I experience, because for most people, that is how it plays out. The complainers experience more things to complain about. The manipulators experience more opportunities to manipulate and be manipulated. The woe-is-me-I-may-not-must-not-matter people experience more proof of their worthlessness. The happy hippies experience more happy hippy stuff... until they choose to think otherwise about their any-given-situation.

I've been in each of those stages of being, and thinking from the self-loathing worthlessness of 'I can die right now and no one would notice' across to 'Why is everyone so selfishly inconsiderate and absorbed?!' over to 'Every thought I have, choice I make, and external catalyst I experience is for the benifit of my evolution' and so many variations inbetween.

I've chased almost every emotion in the spectrum at least once, mostly more, feeling them in every part of my physical being. I've done the scientific research to learn about the chemical signatures of each emotion in my brain, and how my brain makes receptors for those chemicals, those emotions, litterally configurig/forming my brain to feel more of my most constant feelings.

I've put that information together with the personal experience and knowledge that thoughts drive feelings to conclude when I change the way/the what of a thought on any given topic, I change the way I feel about it. This is to say...

I learned I didn't need to know my purpose to believe and feel good about having one.

I learned to choose to believe I was an important being and let the how/why surprise me.

I learned that no one has to agree with me, for me to feel the truth of my own knowings.

I learned the things people say and do are direct reflections of their state of thinking.

I learned that people change in tiny ways every day, all the time.

I learned those that think no one changes, have yet to acknowledge their own changes.

I learned that to know yourself, you must learn to discern for yourself, all things.

I learned that leading by example, means living as example.

In these things I have learned, I can tell you that your existence is paramount to the growth and evolution of everyone around you, including you-- none more important (to your existence) than your own growth. I can tell you that your existence is integral to the litteral and metaphoric expansion of the universe. I can tell you, and every reader reading this, that my telling you is a direct-intent-catalyst to ping that part of you that is connected to me and the universe as a whole so you may feel the knowing as I do-- and yet, the choice to be open to it or not, is 100% yours.

What are you thinking now?

another_proser

P.S. Feel free to comment or message me the answer to that question if you're so inclined to share! I do not believe there are 'right' or 'wrong' answers; just different perspectives and paths to the future. :-) Thank you.

#QuestForConsciousness #StreamOfConsciousness #Dialogue #Prose #Evolution #SelfEmpowerment