I Want

I want lipstick messages on mirrors.

I want matching tattoos on our ankles.

I want to walk on the edge. I want to live on the edge. I want to fall off and for you to haul me back up.

I want to go places where we’re not allowed and kiss in the street and cross the border just before they find us. I want to get drunk and run from the cops and fall into bed with you at the end of the day. I want to sneak out windows like there’s someone to tell us we can’t. I want adrenaline.

I want cinnamon lattes. I want your fingers sliding between mine. I want your hands in my hair. I want smeared lipstick from when you kissed me. I want to laugh loudly.

I want mornings in face masks. I want shared bottles of wine before bed. I want warm colored lights and hardwood floors. I want spontaneous weekends away. I want to spend nights on a rooftop somewhere, just the two of us overlooking a sleeping city. I want to stay up late and wish on the stars.

I want to cry in your arms. I want pain and anger and dark days. I want hope. I want recovery. I want smiles and laughter. I want to be reminded that I am lucky.

I want to get drunk on the beach and talk about how much I love you. I want to scream it from the rooftops and let my voice get lost in the wind. I want to write it in a bottle and send it off to a stranger.

I want secret rendezvous and outrageous rings. I want over the top proposals and secret ones that are just for us. I want to elope with you and get married at least once on every continent. I want everybody to think we’re insane.

I want to get married in jeans and t-shirts. I want to have gotten out of the ocean so recently that our hair is still crushed with sand and salt. I want cuts on exposed legs, the smell of the ocean in the air. I want my nails covered in chipped polish. I want to be barefoot and risking splinters.

I want to get married in the rain. I want you to wear the t-shirt you stole from me that I know you still have. I want fabric sticking to skin and wet hair in clumps and slippery walks down the aisle. I want bare feet, scraped up and bleeding. I want the freedom that rain allows you. I want only you to be able to recognize the tears streaming down my face. I want the raindrops to glisten on your hair. I want the stars to glitter too bright.

I want to get drenched in a wedding dress. I the fabric inexplicably torn. I want wine stains we will never be able to get out. I want makeup washed off of our faces. I want umbrellas that don’t block the rain but add to the ambiance. I want people from the bar across the way to come and crash the party.

I want to stay up all night long. I want everyone to go home and leave us dancing in the street, barefoot and freezing, but smiling. I want it too be too dark for me to see anything but your eyes, the way the shine because you’re happy and free and no longer hiding.

I want words inscribed on the inside of our rings. I want to read your vows and I want you to read mine. I want my words coming out of your mouth, I want you to say what I’ve written, what I’ve promised you.

I want to start over with you. I want to spend forever with you. I want to chase you to the end of the earth. I want to run away with you.

I want you.