too helpful

if i could change

anything about myself

i would change,

nothing. i like who i am

perhaps too much. i want

to share my gifts, to bring others up.

all my life i've wished to

gift my soul willingly,

give it to those who are lost.

i want to guide people from

darkness, but i fear i am a fool.

am i the blind leading the blind?

for hours i've stewed in this

melancholy and doubt.

it is my greatest vice,

always thinking too much,

never knowing if i'm right.

how do i survive here?

i live in this darkness,

never the light.

i’ve made a home here, placed

a doormat to welcome others.

except no one else is comfortable

in the darkness I provide.

it’s too different, too radical.

they can’t see eye to eye

when the dark presses

heavy against their eyelids.

i find the weight comforting...

but others are suffocated by it -

or, by me.