List Of Worst Dates

This is for every person still recovering from their last date disaster, and I hope this will help you out or at least get a bit of a laugh.

There is one gentleman I will call "Cape Guy." We were at a LARP event, and I met him during a tournament. We got to talking and flirted a little bit. I hardly remember anything about him except that he had a really long black cape. I mean, Edgelord level of cape. I was just starting to relax and think maybe the cape wasn't so bad when he leaned over and smelled my hair. And I don't mean a flirty little wiff, I mean nose touching my hair SNNNIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFF! I spun back towards him, eyes huge, and he acted like he had no idea what I was talking about.

I once went out to a club with my friends and may have had one drink too many. I was dancing when this tall guy came behind me and started dancing with each other. He had good moves and wasn't grabbing onto me, so I let him. One thing lead to another, and we ended up making out at one of the booths. I followed him outside to see if we could get a cab when we passed under a street lamp. I looked at him, and he was staring at me in terror. It was my biology professor.

I went out on a date with one of the guys I had a huge crush. He brought his girlfriend from another school. Wait! He asked if it was okay that he already was dating someone else. HOLD ON! She was toally okay with it, too.

I prank called this guy I was seeing for two weeks, "I know your dirty secret!" He left me a voice message, "I'm so sorry! It was just one kiss. I know she's your best friend, but it just happened!"

I went to the library to meet this guy for a "study group," and he told me not to sit down because Shelby was coming. I didn't know Shelby. I still don't know Shelby.

I didn't know he had asked me out on a date. I had been working on a painting project and didn't bother to change.

"I dare you to kiss her!"

"EW! She's fat and gross!"

*Dies internally*

(We were, maybe, 8. Relax.)

"Hey, how's it going, handsome?"

"Fine, I guess. I just wish I would meet someone. All the girls who like me are maybe a 5 if they would lose weight."

(Yeah, him we hate.)

"Do you want to see my collection of pokemon hentai porn? I even wrote a fanfic about it."

"Sometimes I think about what it would be like to kill my entire family."

*Blocks him in every possible way*

*Texts me from one I forgot* "Wow. Rude."

He texted me from a facebook group, "Hey, I noticed your pictures of your cosplay. They were really good! Plus, I think you're pretty cute. Is it okay if I ask for your number?"

"Actually, I don't give out my number, though. We can be on Facebook, though."

"Ok, when do you get off work?"

"... how do you know I'm at work?"

"At 4:45 your time, you're usually at work. I assume, because the post location is different."

"Hey, you sound cute over the phone."

"Thanks, my wife thinks so, too."

"You have yourself a good day, sir!"

"You are the most beautiful and angelic human being to ever cross my news feed, and I just wanted to tell you that you are more lovely than all of the elf-women and fantastical tales of beautiful maidens. I would sacrifice my life it meant I could simply gaze on your face in real life. Would you send me a picture just for me?"

(I just realized a lot of these are from Facebook. I really need to get out more.)