Petty

This is petty of me. This is weak of me. This is me saying that I have very little confidence in myself. This is me asking how I can improve.

I'm generally really hesitant to share my writing. I've never been under the impression it would <i>take me somewhere</i>. I've never been under the impression that I'm more or less talented than my peers.

When I do share something, I've noticed the responses are light. I'm never expecting the world. And I know this is my own problem. The trouble is, some of my writing gets a lot of views and little to no feedback. I feel like the writing I love the most is recieved in the worst way. I just struggle with handling this. Does it mean I'm more awful than I thought? That, really, out of 102 people who read something, only 1 person likes my writing?

I've been really struggling with my mental health. I'm really depressed and I can't afford treatment and, honestly, my brain is often just useless. I'm trying to be better and make better choices.

I've really enjoyed Prose. It motivates me to write. And this week I've finally created a challenge people want to participate in. So it's been nice interacting more than usual.

But I told myself I'd start making practical decisions this year. And I'm not sure I am able to handle this anymore. It's no ones fault but my own, I need to square away my own brain. But. If you're someone who has read my writing and doesn't like it or are indifferent, why? What is it you don't like? How can I improve?

I really appreciate honesty and constructive criticism. And any advice you can give about handling public response to writing.

I'll likely continue to write regardless. But I might take another hiatus/stop publicly posting. I feel weak and needy writing this. But I'll get over that, too. Eventually.