too little too late

what a fool i am for thinking i could drag this distance, carrying the weight of thousands on my back, mourning over names and faces i've no hope to save or see again--what a fool i am for thinking that with anchors tied around my throat of exhaustion and my draining hope that i could swim to surface even latched to arms of those i love trying to pull me up--what a fool i am for thinking i'll ever make it alive through sticks and stones which break my bones for no purpose but to slave me--what a fool i am for thinking i'm enough, will ever be enough, was ever enough at all--yet here i am still at the ocean's floor with salt stinging my growing wounds and gore as water ruptures through my failing lungs--i've survived a thousand wars but as of now i fail to fight a battle left unsung and though i could call for reinforcement i don't wish to burden another's back with my pain--i don't wish to grasp for an angel and drown them with me and i don't wish to worry those who love me yet time and time again i sink further to the sand--the sand which now wraps 'round my throat as i grow too exhausted to stand nor speak nor try at all--the surface and the shore are thousands of miles away and my body is too battered and broken to even hope to reach them anymore