perfection is something i make up

have you ever changed someone?

came up with a personality for them in your head

and end up falling in

Love?

he would be the boy who thought of me often.

who never wanted to see me cry.

he would be be the boy who does no wrong.

who rejects everyone else because they aren't me.

he would be the boy who was strong in his faith.

who leads others to life.

he would be the boy to tell me i'm beautiful.

who pulled me out of the final stretches of darkness.

he would be the boy to make me laugh.

make me smile for no reason.

make me notice the good things in the world.

make me stop and listen to the sounds of rain and cars passing by.

make me stop and wonder how it will be one day.

.

.

.

but that is not who he is.

he is the boy who texts me when he needs something.

who never listens to what i have to say.

he is the boy who goes out with girls on weekends.

who doesn't pretend they are me.

he is the boy who drinks every weekend.

who goes to chruch the next day.

he is the boy who looks down on people.

who doesn't bring out the best in me.

he is the boy who makes me wonder.

makes me think about whether he will love me.

makes me wonder whether i will ever be good enough.

makes me compare myself to the girls he hangs out with.

makes me cry in the middle of the night for not noticing me.

he is the boy who ends up hurting me

every.

single.

time.

but i let him do it anyway.

because in my mind's eye

he is perfect.

and i am the one not good enough.