My Demon Within

Depression is the deepest depths of the darkest places overtaking your soul. It is like a hug from someone holding knife; keeping you enveloped in a comfort bubble shielding you from reality, telling you that this is the only place that you could ever be loved, while they stab you from behind, never letting you forget your imperfections, always reminding you that no one could ever want you, no one could ever love you, and that no matter how hard you try, no one will ever accept you for who you truely are. Depression is like being in an abusive relationship, but with yourself. There are no physical scars or bruises, well sometimes there are, but most of the damage is on the inside. Depression is not knowing how to love yourself, not knowing how to be loved by someone else, not knowing how to love someone else. It is a demon taking residence in your body slowly crushing your heart, your soul, and your mind. Depression is social isolation into a dark room where friends and family are not allowed, where you can escape to an augmented reality of fiction so that you can spare yourself of a few hours of the painful reality that is your life. Depression is not knowing how to deal with emotions, it's breaking down and crying and becoming an emotional mess, letting go of years of pain in an hour sob session because in every other day, you don't allow yourself to feel or expel those emotions, causing them to build in pressure and number harboring them inside until it physically hurts to wake up in the morning. Depression is building a wall around yourself so that no one can ever get in, because fear that they will hurt you and break your heart, but at the same time knowing that no one could hurt you any worse than you have already hurt yourself. Depression is being convinced that you are broken, and that there is no possible way ever that you could ever be fixed. Depression is my demon that just won't leave.