I know you

Youngest of the set, I never knew the secrets of our family until I grew older. Mom's eternal silence and Dad's never ending cries. One day I was dreaming, a dream that I knew wasn't just a dream, sitting in the living room with Mom and Dad, but it wasn't just us 3, you were there, watching me live my life. You were sitting outside the window mourning the life you never had, jealous that I had what you desired most. I saw your face and I ran outside, you ran away from me but all I wanted was to know you, we ran in the fields together like we were playing tag! You would've been just older than me, we were perfect for each other.

Forever I yearned for a sibling like me, not some crazy lunatic that wanted to kill me, nor one that would abandon us so that he could have the freedom he yearned for, and not one that couldn't hold herself together from the pressure of it all. I'm no better than the rest I know, but I never ran, I had my moments where I fell down and wanted to run away or hide from the pain. It was unescapable, and then I found you! Even though I never really met you, I always knew there was something- someone missing from this. It was you our beloved, I mourn the loss of a sister I never knew, a face I never saw, a presence I've never truly felt. I understood Mom's silence, I understood Dad's infinite mourning, I understood you! You wish that you were here so that you could grow, love, learn, and experience anything and everything you were fated to be. Even though I never knew you I look around at all of our photos and I can see you in each and every one of them, your wide smile, short brown hair, small little nose, and most of all I can see your moony eyes weeping over your life. You watch over Mom because she still cries when she's alone, you watch over Dad because he tries to act strong enough but he cries and prays to see you again every moment of every day. You watch over each of us and you just want to fit into every photo and you're jealous that it was me that had your life. I never asked to have it, but if it were my choice I'd take your place in a heartbeat, if I had the power to trade with you I would, if I had the power to just give you even a single breath of life I would.

To hear your laugh, to see your smile, to hate and to love you like a sibling over stupid little things, to watch you grow up, and to watch you make stupid mistakes so I could laugh with you would make it all worth it. It was confirmed to me that you did exist and I thought I was crazy to know, Dad told me and he asked me never to tell Mom that I knew because it would kill her to feel that loss again. All in a flash of a moment I felt like I'd known you my entire life, I'd seen that smile, those beautiful eyes that shined with tears of moonlight because every night you felt forgotten. If you knew the pain and the grief in our hearts you would be at ease knowing that we all still love you after all these years, you were never forgotten and your memory was passed down into each of us. I became numb to all emotion but just the thought of you makes my heart ache and chills will fill the air, but your presence is always with us and it warms us when we remember you. I never thought I could love someone I never met but then I saw your face. Every day of my life I hope to always be with you and one day I hope I can meet you and be with you until the end of days so I can tell you about everything you've wanted to know. I will always know you.