There are worse things than death

I am alone.

It never crossed my mind that it could come to this. I have had nightmares all my life, but not one touched the reality of my life today.

It happened slowly at first.

Everyone stayed inside so much, no one really noticed when friends and neighbors stopped coming out of their homes; when the city streets overflowing with garbage and rodents stayed empty of people. With the recent, ongoing plague, everyone assumed when they stopped seeing someone on Zoom or at their window, stopped hearing from them, that the worst had happened. That death had arrived sooner than expected. No one realized the slow, insidious, relentless tendrils of Death were reaching out across the globe, choking all life in its path.

Overwhelmed hospitals and clinics closed their doors, one by one, as medical staff gave up or perished. The sick and the dying, died at home.

It took a while before I realized the problem was greater than I had imagined. Garbage collection ceased. Happily living in a small town, I composted what I could, burned some and stored cans and such things in the garage. Within weeks of each other, gas and electric were shut off for reasons unknown. No one, not even an automated voice, answered my calls. Constant busy signal. Water continued to run, and for that, I was grateful.

And then, death arrived at my door: I lost my entire family within a month and by the time my beautiful daughter closed her eyes for the last time, there was no one to call to remove the body, no cemetery or crematorium, no morgue or funeral home had anyone still working. My calls went unanswered. I reached out to neighbors to help, but no one answered the door. I dug a grave as best I could, and buried her in our back garden.

Not soon after, news programs stopped running; only constant streaming of old programming became available. Radio stations went dark or played the same playlists over and over. No one but me was posting on social media.

For a little over a week, my calls for food delivery have gone unanswered. Websites have had constant error messages and have stopped accepting orders.

For the first time in a year, I left my home today. I was hungry.

I walked the empty streets in awe of the utter and complete silence save the sound of birds chirping.

I arrived at a market whose doors were open: Food on shelves was sparse; what little produce and meat remained was spoiled and smelled; the aisles, empty. No cashiers. No manager making the occasional announcement. No one. My footsteps echoed loudly. My heart raced and I began to sweat.

I found a few cans of tuna fish, some baked beans and a jar of peanut butter. I serviced myself and tried to pay with my credit card. It gave an error message. I had no cash. Feeling guilty, I took my purchases and left.

I walked quickly, ran really, my heart pounding. How was this possible?

How is this possible?

Am I the only person left? And if I am not, how will I find others? And if I find others, who is to say I would not be safer alone, in my home?

Night will fall soon and I don’t know if I will sleep. I was always afraid of the dark and the nightmares that peppered my dreams. Of the shadows that hid monsters. Of death awaiting.

Now I am just afraid, because...

I am alone.