tear myself apart

I sit in bed, tears streaming down my face as I read the messages over and over, that you, I’ll call you Aiden, sent me.

″ I just kept thinking about it and wanted to make sure you were okay. It’s nice to talk to you now, I missed you.”

Then I scrolled down.

″ Do you know if the teacher has a meeting at three? If you’re going, I’ll try to come so I can see you.”

One more scroll. I told you ” try to sleep. I’ll think about you.” I sent it, then punched myself for sending that, then;

″ Thanks, I’m thinking about you too. Have a good night.”

I was in shock.

Quarantine was causing us to not see anyone from our class except the occasional meeting with our teacher where we could just talk. It was by chance. We had joined the same meeting.

We talked by setting the chat privately between us. We talked and at some point you made me laugh so hard I had to turn off my camera for a moment. Now, we sent each other’s number, and boom. We had full access to chat, best friends.

Then you sent me that, and I’m tearing myself apart. I don’t know what to say, yet my heart aches for you.

Do I ask? Or do I wait?

I didn’t sleep just for thinking about it. Then I realized I have to decide.

Aiden, or Arden?