A book from the future
“History tells us that great leaders face their downfall with grace, while fighters face their downfall fighting, and then there was Donald Trump that faced his downfall denying it’s a downfall” (taken from “The Man Who Said Too Much” Z-165, Charlie, intelligent press, 2064)
...denying was not enough. people who were up those early morning hours tell that the farewell press confrence was rechristned a victory party. the president had thirteen hours left on his term, eight years more than most would have preferred. he began the day early, watching television, and breakfasting on rare delicacies such as a Mcmuffin, Mcmuffin biscuit, and hashbrowns. the latter, incidently made from the now extinct Solanum Petota. he tended to place great importance on his meals, and was known to fire those who interfered with his feasts, or mock his choice of food . he is reported to have eaten well that morning. later, he used his elctric cart (he was recovering from aggravated bine spur for thevlastvtwo years of jis presidancy)to make his way to the oval office, where paper shredding was furiously taking place. the shredding of official documents was not something that bothered him, as he was well accustomed to such illegal practices all his life. but on that morning, the amount of shredding seemed to alarm him. he asked one of the aids why where there so many staffers cluttering the entire west wing, desperately trying to eliminate all possible evidence. mainly to save themselves from criminal liability. the aid explained that the staffers were having a competition and the stakes were high.
“remember mister president?” he said “you promised the winner an all expenses paid weekend in Mar-a-lago.” explained the aid. the resort which the aid was referring to, was burned in a freak golfing accident that july, a fact that the president was not expected to remember.
Jared kushner, who secretely turned state’s witness in the ivanka-gate inquiry greeted the president by his desk. the hidden microphone was on. his new position as head of the NSA may have been a historic mistake, the joke around the capitol was that kushner was slated to take over the space agency. in any case, kushner was collecting every bit of evidence he could get, to save himself from charges of gross negligence, animal abuse, witness tampering, tax evasion and child pornography. his deal to betray his employer , father in law and ex-wife were accepted eagerly.
“Jared, i want you to tell me, what are the polls showing?”
“well...are you Donald Trump, president of the United States?” asked Jared, making sure he had positive identification on tape.
“yes...yes I am!” said Trump and lost the train of thought. time was running out for Jared and so he changed the topic. “so mr. president, we need to reach a desicion about the deal”
″”“About the ivanka deal. ”
“what deal? i do a lot of deals, Jared”eals, Jared”
“which deal do you think?”
“oh...the mexican cartel deal?”
“yes. let’s think this through. ”
“fine. let’s....think”
“first we give Ivanka to the cartel”
“yes...and they keep her in a nice place with rabbits and alfalfa. is there any alfalfa in Mexico?”
“Yes, mr. president. we made sure...now...”
“we pay a ransom. half me, half you half Ivanka”
“yes Mr. president...what’s next?”
“they release her. bring her back in style. ”
“and ?”
“we get a tax rightoff. plus the cartel hombres ....em...is that racist?...the cartel cavalieros give us half of the ransom back....em...i just..”
“what?”
“what will they do with their half?”
“who?”
“the muchachos. ”
“eh...well. it’s not my place to say...business , I guess...capitalism”
“capitalism” murmured Trump. he liked the sound of that.
“so....are we going to go through with it? it’s not too late, we can turn the trumpjet around. Ivanka will be disappointed, but she’ll understand”
“no! we go through! all the way! with the powers vested in me, i herby proclaim this deal....em.. what’s the word?”
“aporoved...sanctioned” said the aid wistfully. coincidentally, he was also wearing a wire, but part of another investigation.
“great! “said Jared happily and it is obvious from the released tapes that he was feeling relief , after catching his employer, in a blatant attempt to commit federal crimes.
″ by the way, just to be clear , I am Jared Kushner, isn’t that so mr. president ?”
“you sure are”
“and just to let you know , Mr. president, the date is january 20th”
“oh..thank you”
“I’ll be going now, to give the green light call. to say that we want this deal”
“yes, yes...go..call them. we need to make sure Ivanka gets to pet the rabbits and the alfalfa”
“sure thing”
jared left hurridly, perhaps worried that he would need to get a second recording of all that, and that it was critical to get it all while Trump was still in office.
“ladies and gentlemen” began the press conference, where he was supposed to say his farewells to the American people. historians debate what was his intention. but it is clear that many were left scratching their heads, and wondering if he was perhaps setting himself an alibi as mental instability or onset dementia “in a few moments I will be sworn in as president for the third time. and you know what they say: third time’s the charm. i feel proud to have been the youngest president elected, the longest serving, the tallest and most energetic of all who came before me. but what i am proud of the most is the fact, that I represent such a great role model for ordinary good citizens. I , too had had humble origins, starting out with nothing. but with hard, honest work I reached success in business and was chosen to be on that greatest of offices , that most selfless of positions: Reality TV. i feel blessed , and thank all those nice people who helped me to acheive these goals. I am reminded of two great presidents who came before me. one, Abraham Linkin (his pronounciation), who protected his nation from invasion and spent many years serving successfully in the private sector, before chosen to lead our nation, which he did for many years.
another president , who many great people of our time have compared me to is Franklin Delano Rosevelt, or teddy as his friends called him. a great man, who like me had struggled with dibillitating bone spurs, and yet carried on bravely. lastly, i feel that I closely resemble Ronald Reagen, who like me, defeated the Russians, and brought peace and prosperity to this great country. to tell you a secret, ladies and genrlmen , even this morning, i have been working hard with my son in law , Jared, to make a fantastic deal with Mexico. we are going to partner with them, and bring capitalism to the poor people of that shit...em..i mean country. ladies and gentelmen, as you see , the time to take the oath is at hand. ,I want to say before I go, that I hope to work well with the other side, heal the rifts that have come between us, and bring about peace and prosperity to all.” the helicopter which he was ushered to, took him above the white house. and for the last time, Donald trump saw the golden escalator he had installed at the entrance. witnesses say that they saw a tear sliding down his cheek.