Un-Metamorphosis

It was like a status change from God. Going from a confused bisexual teenager to an even more confused straight adult struck me by surprise. When I started this adventure on Prose, I identified as bisexual. Girls had crept up on me and become attractive literally overnight. I never kissed one or anything further than that, but I knew when a girl walked by that an attraction would typically be left behind. But, that changed about a year ago when I woke up and whatever switch had been flipped back off. Women were no longer attractive. The allure had faded completely.

Now, the odd thing about this change is that is basically invalidates everything I experienced. It's no longer "one of us". It's awkward shame. I feel like I'm covering an A on my chest every time I have to talk about my sexuality. To be fair, I've never been with anyone and the desire to be with anyone is peeling off like a 25 year old sticker (in fragments that are impossible to get off thanks to that 1990s glue). I feel like the dude from Castaway in the raft trying to get to safety. There's no safety and you can't go back and your only friend has abandoned you. My friends have not abandoned me but then again we don't have "The Talk". I don't get the familiar online spontaneous dating checklist from my friends that I get from strangers with some interest in me.

The reason that I'm writing this piece is because I refuse to believe that I'm alone. I refuse to believe that no one else has spontaneously woken up one morning to find an attraction to the other sex (not just one person. They're the bait) then woken up awhile later to find that that the attraction has dissipated. In the event that this has happened to you, you're not alone. What you experienced will never go away and ultimately shaped how you view people, the world, and lovers. Don't just sweep that shit under the rug like I've tried to. Embrace it because it literally hangs with you forever.