Shaping the Clay

When I was nineteen, my therapist gave me a binder. And in it was papers. Papers that were supposed to turn the mind. Create radical acceptance. And even change brain chemistry.

All for the better, of course. I put that binder away and forgot about it.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) comes with a lot of bells and whistles. But when I'm feeling low, or like I'm hitting rock bottom, I take out that binder. And I review.

Turn the mind.

There are a lot of things this could mean. I take this to mean turning away from negative emotions. Riding a bike. Taking a hot shower. Texting a friend. Basically, distracting yourself. I make a list for something important, ranking all the positives and negatives for how to act on it.

I do this thing where I pretend to "pick up" my negative emotion and put it behind me, literally. I brush it away. That can come later. At that point, I am "turning my mind" away from the negative.

Radical acceptance.

This one is very meta. Typically, a guy will reject me, and my immediate thoughts are that I'm worthless, unloveable, and disgusting. I'm incapable of holding down a romantic relationship. But if I look at it from above (nothing religious about this), separate from my emotions, I realize that this is just one insignifcant setback. Sure, guys sometimes don't like me, and I need to accept that. That's reality, part of life. Not everyone is going to get your particular brand of magic, and that's ok.

Change brain chemistry.

Eventually, in relearning how to respond to emotional moments, DBT will change how your brain responds to traumatic experiences. It will make you think about them in a different, new light. You'll leave the victim mentality and focus on the here and now.

I'm just a week away from turning twenty-eight. And that binder? Out. Out and proud.

Rock bottom is a mentality, emotions are transcient.

They are the clay. And they will mold you however you see fit.