I don’t know how to say it

This probably doesn’t make sense, and I’ve wrote it over a span of a few hours, finishing it around 6 in the morning, I’m tired and my thoughts are fuzzy.

Talking with him is great,

I love it.

It’s refreshing and opens my eyes,

even when I’m nervous,

so I open my heart and let him see in,

hiding my scars and

dark alleys,

but showing more then I want to anyway.

I see very little into his life,

but when I do it’s quite the surprise.

Soon, I’ll lose contact with him,

and many others,

but I don’t know how to tell him,

so I probably won’t for a while.

It’s only a few weeks anyway,

so what’s the harm?

He probably won’t notice I’m gone anyway,

but still I’ll yearn for him to see,

for me to see

our hearts as they’re meant to be.

Not broken,

or sheltered,

or fearful,

and frightened,

but happy,

open,

caring,

and loved.

I don’t know how to say,

but maybe one day I’ll word it the right way.

I let him under my skin,

his words sinking in.

Not in a bad way necessarily,

but more so then I’m used to.

His playful nature digging in,

forcing me to become more like him.

It gives me a smile,

and a giggle filled laugh,

almost like when I was a kid,

but now I wonder,

when I come back will it be the same?

I’m like an open book right now,

easy to read to anyone who passes,

but only clear to those who have read me completely.

I’m not afraid of this change,

or him,

but still I’m nervous about what’s going on,

and nervous about how he’ll respond,

after all he’s the only friend I’ve had in while,

who’s nearby and worthwhile.

He hasn’t judged me or put me down,

he hasn’t made me look like a clown,

he makes me feel happy and safe,

like a warm embrace.

He doesn’t make me scared or anxious like normal,

but he still makes me squeamish.

It’s not a crush like some may think,

but rather a friend helping a friend off the brink.

He’s been here so far,

so I’ll let him in for the ride,

even if it hurts my pride.

I love him as friend,

and love him even more for being here.

I just don’t know how to say everything to him,

but I hear his calls of joy,

and know I cannot leave without some kind of explaination.