Speechless.

I'm nobody in the big scheme of things. I never made it through High School. I dropped out and got my GED when I was seventeen. I'm not dumb, yet nor am I very formally educated. I write what I think and think about what I write. I also doubt just about everything I post, even when I'm in love with it and I feel like a special-kind-of-genius.. I still question if it will inspire, or remain in the ether of the internet like dust on the shelf of a condemned house.

I chastise myself in my head, "Here she goes again.." or "Wat's she rhyming on about?" as if everything that's typed out by my fingers is shit. It's not, not all of it anyway, though the Devil inside me likes to Damn.

"You're practically writing the same thing in different words! "

"Same subject, but not the same..." despite my efforts to reason, I catch myself refreshing TheProse page, hoping for a bookmark or comment for validation. "What do you need validation for?" Another question to confront my consciousness, (there's nothing submissive about my subconsciousness ) bitch-slapping my thought process and calling me an idiot without saying the word.

Even now I ponder deleting what I've written, "Why are you writing this? Someone might relate."  Isn't that why we're here? Not just to share our work, but to find more of what we like to read, and those who like to read what we have to write. That's why I'm here, just another proser, trying to improve my relationship with words.

"It's garbage, can-it!"

"One man's trash is another man's treasure..."

"Sure, more crap to fill a dump of literary dunces pretending to be dalliances..."

"I won't know for sure until I post it."

"You wont know for sure until someone 'validates' you."

"Shit. You're right, my grammatical and spelling sense sucks."

"All things (Amen)"

So there it is. I do want to know if I misspelled something, used a word in the wrong context, or should have included a bloody comma. I'm imperfect. My writing isn't for everyone, just as everyone's writing isn't for me-- but that doesn't mean I should be offended or sadden when something I wrote isn't so well received. It may simply mean it hasn't reached the right audience, or the readers are left speechless!

Yeah, let's go with that. Speechless.  :-p

|| another_proser ||