The Fear Of Losing You (extended)

I tried my best not to fall in love with you,

but you broke in without warning.

I keep trying to put my shield back up,

but your smile makes me want to throw it into an abyss

and never pick it up again.

You make me weak, but I crave it.

It’s absurd.

Like I’m intentionally taking off all my armor

and handing my sword to you.

What do they call it... vulnerability?

I don’t like it.

You promise that you’ll never hurt me on purpose,

but isn’t that what they all say at love’s first bloom?

You say you can’t see life without me,

but those are the very words

that will prove you a liar at our breakup.

But, to tell the truth, I trust you.

I feel this connection to you.

This bond. It’s so strong.

I’m not afraid that we won’t work out.

I’m not scared that you’ll be unfaithful.

Surprisingly, I trust you with my sword.

I believe that you’ll keep your promise.

I don’t think you would ever harm me on purpose.

But, that’s what bothers me the most.

Before I can fully love you,

I need you to make an impossible promise.

You said you’d stay with me forever-

but your forever may not be my forever.

I need you to promise my forever,

but I know you can’t do that.

No one can.

So, I can’t love anyone.

I can’t love you.

But it’s too late.

I already do.

I love you so much that

even if you were

to stab me in the back

at this very moment,

it would surely hurt

a thousand times less

than the mere thought

of somebody else

snatching that sword

and stabbing you in the heart.

When given the choice,

I would gladly

stare into your beautiful eyes

as I die at your treacherous hands

than watch the light flicker out of them

as you die in my crestfallen arms.