Find It

There comes a time when, after searching within yourself, you find nothing.

There are times when, despite the astounding possibilities available to you — and perhaps because of them — you find yourself empty.

No desires, no motivation, no inspiration.

I find myself here often. Itching to create masterful and cohesive art and writing, but falling short. Not knowing how, not convinced of my ability. Finding myself flailing, apathetic, tired.

Despite doing nothing, I am so tired.

I am overcome by contrasting desires to both become more because I am at present useless and wasting away, and become content because I have enough as it is.

And, in attempting to reconcile these opposing voices in my mind, I shut it down.

At present, I am neither motivated nor content.

I exist in a plane where there is nothing. My thoughts, usually colorful, diffuse into blacks and whites, and my eyes would rather stay shut than find the energy to open.

In this plane, I am weak.

But I am not worthless.

If you find yourself searching within yourself only to find there's nothing inside — if you find yourself blinking into that colorless void — then you are not alone.

You. I. We.

We despair, we mourn, we fade. In moments, we are lost and purposeless and lonely.

And we are allowed to be.

To those who suffer and are not heard,

To those who long for love they think they don't deserve,

To those who wish for sleep despite being awake,

To all those who live in a motionless, monochrome world:

You are no less than anyone else on this turbulent journey of life.

So many of us live with demons, even if they exist only within our own minds.

Invisible hardships do not make them unconquerable.

Feeling lonely does not make us alone.

Feeling helpless does not mean the end.

There is talent and life and beauty burning in every soul.

Your own, my own.

Be willing to find it.

Even if it takes all your strength, all your time, all your energy and willpower.

Find it.

You don't have to give up.

You are worth the time to be found.

And once you find yourself — it could take days, months, years — when you find yourself, take the time to find others.

Because sometimes they're standing there, motionless, searching inside themselves for something they can't find.