Oatmeal in July

Despite his smile, I could tell Arthur was lost in thought. Twirling his spoon in his little fingers, he scooped another bit of oatmeal into his mouth. I watched him, quietly doing dishes. Nothing was the same now. There were no longer fights between him and his sister. My wife wasn’t here anymore, humming some rock song off-key as she cooked breakfast. It was just me and Arthur now, sitting quietly and talking tersely about oue days. Today was no different.

“Are you done, darling?” I asked Arthur after a few minutes.

“Mhm.”

“Bring me your bowl.”

I heard the chair scrape, the small footsteps, then felt his hand on my back. I took the bowl from him and turned to wash it. I was surprised to see him still standing there when I turned to dry the bowl.

“What’s wrong, sweetie?”

“It’s almost the eighteenth,” he murmured.

I sighed. It was the two-year anniversary of the death of his twin sister, Artemis, after she'd succumbed to leukemia. Arthur was so young that I was honestly surprised he remembered. I knelt down and put my hand on his shoulder.

“Do you think Mommy remembers,” he asked softly.

We hadn’t talked about his mother in ages. My ex-wife, Shaina, went to jail a few months ago. Unfortunately, the police took us both into custody on an otherwise perfect Saturday afternoon, so my five-year-old son was horrified to be pulled from his cartoons to see his mothers being dragged out in handcuffs. I was freed a few hours after being dragged away, but I could tell my son was deeply affected by it. Even now, I could tell it was taking a lot for him to not pull away from me and go hide.

"I'm sure she does. She still loves you guys, sweetheart. Nothing's ever going to change that."

"I know," he murmured, though his tone made it seem more like it was inevitable instead of a good thing.

"What are you thinking?" I asked him softly.

"I miss Nana," he said. "And Artie."

"I miss them too," I said, though misding Shaina's mother was a lie.

My son seeemed to know but didn't say it. Instead, he murmured about going to clean his room and sulked off. I knelt on the floor, watching the door for awhile. My sister-in-law's words rang in my head. He'll never be the same now, Kim. You should just give him up. Though I knew she was being a homophobic bitch, seeing my son sulk for the past few months was killing me. Even if Shaina was acquitted of killing her mother, nothing would be the same. We can't adopt a brother for Arthur like we'd planned, we can't move anywhere without being looked at like elder killers, and Arthur would never forgive either of us. Tears were forming in my eyes as I realized that I was only keeping my son for my own selfish gain and that he might be better off somewhere else.