About Forever

What I learned about forever

is how the thought of it comforts people,

this idea of something good enduring for so long.

She made promises of our love in such

boundless terms.

Have you ever felt as if you were created

with a purpose to love only one specific someone?

And, finally, when you find them...

it’s like waking up from a dream into dream

except you’ve been awake the whole time.

Is this soul mates? Is this finding your other half?

Is it nothing more than dumb luck?

Because some search for this and come up empty.

How could I be so lucky?

And sometimes you still doubt reality

so you pinch yourself and rub your eyes

like you’re trying to polish glass.

But she’s there, every day she is is still there.

You couldn’t be any closer if you were sewn

at the hip; and would that even be

such a bad thing? Don’t two souls

in such love always want to be one?

But, then, one day you wake up

from the dream that was never really a dream

because you were never asleep but somehow

you missed it.

One less “I love you” turned to two turned to three

turned to all of them.

And sometimes things move so gradually

that you can’t even percieve the change.

You don’t talk anymore and you don’t

know why or when it started, just that silence

has never been so loud or the empty space

between your arms so heavy to carry.

You feel it growing inside you--

this sadness, this misery, this confusion.

It grows like a cancer

unless it feels like that’s all you’re made of

until you’re fraying at the seams.

And in your head is an endless loop on repeat:

her, making a promise over and over.

And you’re pretty sure promises

are supposed to be kept, it is a sacred thing;

isn’t that the very nature of a promise?

But what do I know?

I am just a plaything. A doll.

A raggedy teddy bear.

I am learning, though.

What I learned about forever

is that it comes sooner than you’d expect.