Zanthe Goldburg Robs the Bruins

Zanthe Goldburg had bean casing the Bruin’s house for some time now.

She knew that the father, Arthur, went to work at the packing plant every weekday at 4 pm. He didn’t return until well into the midnight hour. She tried hard to find out when exactly, but she managed to fall asleep every time. She woke up at dawn only to see that his large bike was once again parked in its rightful spot on the side of the little house’s porch (right next to a medium-sized bike and a small tricycle).

She knew that the medium-sized bike belonged to the mother. She wasn’t exactly sure, but she could have sworn she heard someone call her ‘Bernadette’ on more than one occasion. Bernadette was mainly a stay-at-home mom to Teddy; the owner of the tricycle. No mistake about his name. She’d heard both his parents scream it in anger so many times that she knew the child had to be something else. Some kind of hard-headed four-year-old who still thought he was in his terrible twos.

Zanthe shuddered at the thought of him, but then remembered why she was here. All three bikes were gone, and by observing the Bruins for three weeks, she knew that late Sunday morning was their designated time to go on a family ride through the nearby park. This ride usually took about two hours... three if Teddy refused to leave... fifteen minutes more if he saw an ice cream truck and decided to throw a tantrum until his parents bought him a frozen treat. On the other hand, the ride could get cut short due to Teddy intentionally peeing on himself (which happened quite often) but she hoped that didn’t happen today. The whole operation was risky, and she debated whether or not to wait until nightfall when the Bruins had evening service at the local church, but Jack had a surprise for her tonight and she didn't want to miss it.

She liked to wait outside for about thirty-three minutes to make sure the family hadn’t forgotten anything they needed to come back for, but then, she fell asleep. She shouldn’t have stayed up all last night partying hard with Jack, but it was Saturday after all. She couldn’t refuse her boyfriend’s invitation to the hottest rave in town. Finally waking up, she looked at her watch and saw that she only had about an hour left to get in and get out.

Zanthe crept up to the house. It was quaint and surrounded by many trees. All to itself almost, she had no worries that a neighbor might spy her. Drawing a bobby pin from her hair, a blonde curl fell into her face. She tucked it behind her ear as she plunged the pin into the lock. At the force of this, the door swung open.

“They forgot to lock,” she giggled, “How dumb.”

Inside, she smelled breakfast in the kitchen. She saw a large plate of bacon, eggs and pancakes, a medium bowl of cereal, and a small cup of oatmeal. Her stomach growled, remembering the last thing she ate was mere scraps of her dinner before claiming she didn’t feel so well. She asked to ‘go to bed early’ so that she could sneak out of her window and meet up with Jack.

“It’s never good to skip breakfast,” she said to herself, “Who on earth would prepare this good food and not eat it? Teddy must have been cutting up and made everyone completely forget about it.”

She headed first to the large plate. She knew it was Arthur’s. He was tall and burly, and she could tell he ate like a man. Today, she would eat like a man, she thought, as she took the fork and shoved a large batch of scrambled eggs into her mouth.

Suddenly, she involuntarily spewed it out all over the table.

“Dang, that’s hot,” she panted, “How long did he have it cooking? Haven’t they already been gone for over thirty minutes?”

She shook her head and went over to the untouched bowl of cereal. Just looking at it made her shiver (not to mention it was soggy). She brought the spoon of mushy flakes up to her mouth and nearly gagged. Throwing down the spoon, she looked at Teddy’s little cup of oatmeal. She didn’t usually care for oatmeal, but she couldn’t deny her stomach growls. She grabbed the little baby spoon and devoured the food until it was all gone.

“What did Bernadette spike that stuff with?” she asked, licking her lips, “I can’t believe it was actually good.”

Feeling satisfied, Zanthe took a deep breath and decided to get to the work at hand.

“I know these guys are rich,” she sighed, “Where the heck do they keep their safe?”

She headed to the living room where she began carefully inspecting every corner of the wall. She lifted picture frames and slid side tables.

“There may be a hatch in the floor...” she pondered as she looked around. She lifted the rug and found nothing. The only other things that could hide such a hatch were the three chairs. There was a rather large recliner perched directly in front of the television (so that Arthur could watch his sports, she mused), there was a medium-sized armchair in the corner of the room (where Bernadette must sit and knit), and there was a fun little rocking chair that sat between the two (the only one who would enjoy such a chair was apparently Teddy). She first tried hard to push the large recliner out of its spot. She managed to move it but spied no trapdoor in the floorboards beneath it. Pushing the recliner back into place, she breathed heavily and sat down in it to rest a bit. To her surprise, the cushion was hard as a rock.

“What the-” she said, quickly jumping out of it.

She decided not to rest but instead heaved to move the little armchair as quickly as she could. No hatch there either. She sighed, pushed it back into place, and collapsed into it. Unlike the recliner, this chair was actually soft. In fact, a bit TOO soft. She sunk deep down into it and nearly fell asleep.

“Wake up, girl!” she screamed, slapping herself in the face, “You have a job to do!”

Leaping up, she ran over to the last chair. She figured it, being so small, had nothing to hide. But, as she slid it over with ease, she revealed a little trapdoor.

"Bingo," she whispered in victory.

She opened the hatch and spotted the small safe. Using the master code-cracking skills she'd learned from syndicated crime dramas, she busted the safe in no time. Beaming with glee, she sat down in Teddy's little chair and rocked back and forth as she counted stacks of her newfound riches. There were about three bands of solid hundred-dollar bills.

"Eight thousand five hundred, eight thousand six hundred, eight thousand seven hundred..." she laughed as she rocked faster and harder. All of a sudden, the chair collapsed under her weight, sending dollar bills flying through the air.

She gathered herself off of the floor and rushed to collect them all, stuffing some into her purse, some into her pockets, and some into her bosom (just because).

Zanthe could have left right then, but NO. She was a greedy little girl. She figured that Bernadette had some jewelry upstairs or something, so she headed to the second floor.

There, she found a room with three beds.

"Oof. What a complicated relationship," she cringed.

She checked around the largest bed (presumably Arthur's) and found it was very flat but also very long.

"This man is a giant," she slurred, "What? Does he play basketball AND football?"

She looked under the covers and found nothing but magazines and old food wrappers.

"No wonder they sleep in separate beds," she snorted, "Arthur is a complete slob."

She went over to the medium-sized bed. It was neat for the most part, but the covers were extremely lumpy. She belly-flopped onto it and pulled open the side-table drawer. At first, it felt comfy as she searched through the jewelry box, but soon, the lumps began prodding into her tummy and causing her chest to ache.

"Oh hecky naw," she grunted, rolling off the bed, "How can anyone even sleep in that? These people are super weirdos."

She took the jewelry box out of the drawer and sat at the edge of Teddy's small bed. As she inspected the fine metals and precious stones, she felt the soft warmth of the silken sheets calling her name. After a few yawns, she was snuggly tucked in and sound asleep.

Little did she know that her worst fear had come to pass. Little Teddy had wet himself, and the Bruins were on their way up the walk.

"You are in for a big punishment you little rat," Arthur grumbled as the little boy wriggled and squiggled in his arms.

"Honey, you left the door open?" Bernadette asked with concern.

"I must have forgotten due to this little scoundrel running outside in his underwear," Arthur frowned.

"Oh yes. That," Bernadette recalled.

The family walked into the kitchen and found their food was tampered with.

"Honey, our breakfast!" Bernadette gasped, "We totally forgot to eat it."

"Looks like something got a hold to it," Arthur sneered, still struggling to hold tight to slippery little Teddy.

"PUT ME DOWN!" he cried as he finally pulled free and dropped to the floor. Teddy scrambled to his feet and began running around the dining table. Then, he stopped and looked into his empty oatmeal cup. "I WANT OATMEAL NOW!" he shouted, "WHERE IT GO?"

"I don't know, Teddy, but I'll make you some more," Bernadette said, brushing away her suspicion, "In the meantime, go to the bathroom and change your clothes this instant!"

Teddy smiled and ran. As he passed through the living room, he tripped over the pieces of his broken rocking chair.

As Arthur and Bernadette looked around investigating the kitchen, they heard their son cry out. Rushing to his aid, they saw their chairs out of place, and the floor hatch opened.

"Babe, we've been robbed," Arthur said with an ounce of edge in his voice.

Bernadette held Teddy and tried to console him. He was crying incessantly, and no one could tell if it was because he fell or because his chair was broken. Arthur looked around and covered Teddy's mouth, causing the four-year-old to instantly cease his tantrum.

"Do you hear that?" he breathed, "Someone's still in here. They're upstairs."

Arthur unmounted his rifle from the mantle and headed up the steps. Bernadette followed closely behind her husband and held the suddenly quiet Teddy's head tightly to her chest.

As the family creaked up the staircase, Zanthe began to awaken. She thought she was dreaming of Teddy crying, but she realized it was real. Now that it was silent, she was scared. She knew they were sneaking up the stairs. She could hear their steps. Breathing hard, she jumped out of Teddy's bed and looked around. The money she tucked away was becoming untucked and flying all over the room. Frankly, she didn't care about it anymore. She ran to the window and threw open the pane. Looking down, she remembered that she had been afraid of heights ever since her cousin dared her to go on that ride at the fair when they were kids. Nevertheless, the thought of the Bruins finding her was even scarier, so she closed her eyes and jumped.

Twelve minutes later, she cracked open her eyes to see the Bruins and the police standing over her as she lied in the grass. Jack was going to have to postpone that surprize. Zanthe would be sleeping behind bars tonight.