Slow Love

When starting a new relationship with anyone, take everything they say with a grain of salt. The truth will come out eventually. Maybe the guy has a wife and six kids in Bulgaria? What do you know? The girl says her name is Julie Smith and her ID says her name is Julie Smith. All you know is that she says her name is Julie Smith and her ID matches that. Eveything else is revealed with time.

Did you meet her friends? Her colleagues? Does he show up on time? Does he answer his phone? Does she cancel at the last minute? Have you met his family? The only way to get to know someone is through time and experience. If there are excuses and red flags, no-shows and mysteries, you have no one to blame but yourself for ignoring the warning signs. Love is a rush, a drug and it's so fun to go head-long into a deep dive. Just don't sign anything, buy furniture, adopt people or pets, or move in together until you've spent at least a year doing the hard work of getting to know the truth about the other in all its boring, minutiae. Because real connections are born of those little, excrutiating details. Does he remember your birthday, does she bring soup when you're sick, does he cancel a camping trip to accompany you to that wedding? When you spend time apart does she freak out? Does he have an addiction? A fetish? A job? A valid drivers license? An arrest record?

Oftentimes, you don't want to know the answer. You want the fantasy. Don't blame the other person because you jumped in with your barrel or change purse of expectations. He was just looking for a distraction from his wife and six kids in Bulgaria.

If you fail to wait for the gradual reveal, the answer will always find you, and it won't be kind. Don't waste years of your life on someone not worth your time.

Now, go forth and love. Carefully, slowly.