leave
tables scratched with names
smudged ink of fantasies and strangers
secrets that faded out with time
and hides in the depths of our memory
a thousand stories that never got to happen
i wonder if you’ll find yours
scratched in with fingernails
hidden in between the rows of desks
scratched hard and deep
on the table i used to sit at
the chairs were dented, and the
light tan was repainted a darker brown
i could still see the places
with streaks and scrapes and gashes
they smelled of oak and heavy promises
leather-bound books and quiet heartbreaks
the way the seats were arranged
remains untouched, nostalgic
and i’ll never forget the day
when yours became an empty space
the dark green chalkboard, used to be filled with words
that we tried to decipher, the summer of 2020
i could almost hear the sound of chalk against wood
that once replaced the rhythm of the clock
which now hangs on the wall, stayed in the date of 2017
what used to be covered in chalk now sits clean and empty
but stained with our ghastly white fingerprints
do you remember? that night, raining red chalk
something changed, and i know you like to pretend
it never happened, but i still dream about it every night
windows were opened and the silent wind
tasted like peaches and cotton candy
dark chocolate and a field of wild flowers
your favorite tastes and your favorite perfume
we used to stare out the window
our gazes meeting in the far horizon
pastel sunsets, lifeless trees, worn-out buildings
wishing time would go by faster
i looked through the windows one last time
the outside world continued to stay the same
so what changed? tell me it’s my fault
i sat down in the seat
that belonged to someone i
promised i tried to forget
but how could i, when you
gave me so much to remember?
so many reasons to live?
years later
the same classroom
the same stories
the same fucking lies
i sat in your seat
& cried and cried
for what seemed like the first time
ever since you left
and i never knew how to cope
when it didn’t feel anything like falling
but holding a gun against my head
and hoping you wouldn’t pull the trigger
so i guess time has decided to stop
in this one place: room 815
all i ever wanted was to sit across from you again
even if you never knew
but that one night was too long
and a lifetime will never be enough
in your seat
i finally saw
for once
what you were seeing for years
and i think i understand now
why you had to leave
- deathetix