im tired of being scared

scared that one day when

i forget my own name

i’ll still remember yours

- deathetix

her hair flows like dreamcatchers

swaying gently in the summer wind

her eyes deep like black ink speckled with gold

my heart fell and crumbled like autumn leaves

her smile entangles the sky with evanescent snowflakes

of the coldest winters numbing the voices in my mind

her fingers on my skin painting a colorful spring in my world

roses blooming from my vessels now dripping with dark blood

- deathetix

years after years of walking in the dark

the sky black with rain like fallen stars

under the night sky no place enough far

the cold air froze a path too familiar

rough branches and sharp leaves cut through skin

the clock made of rain running out of time to be

dreading for a light with twists and turns leading in

the heartbeat shivering for the reasons that mean

diving deeper and deeper for a place to stay

the point of obscurity it might’ve been a mistake

but swore every moment felt more right that way

the feeling of right was yet so wrong following

cul-de-sacs haunting the mystical darkness

a flawless black rose stood out from the wild

the petals drunk on intoxicating black waters

midnight had condensed itself into a single flower

the words remain a secret that there’s not a color

standing a chance against your smile soever

the aroma hazy like moonlight in a nightmare

wishing time to stop right now the scent to linger

the bittersweet fields of flowers blooming a river

scentless around your perfume coldly scattered

if only there was a way the pain would cease

the odds i’d fight against just for you to see

if you were here the rose would never be

the most breathtaking taste I’d fall apart for

blood vessels wrapped around the flower’s thorns

crimson red darker than the black-colored rose

- deathetix

a labyrinth made of loneliness

closing in with waves of pain crashing

a shard of glass and wrists painted red

until the bedsheets were no longer white

a certainty of fate everything was over

giving up the last strength to fight

a purpose to live came in a person’s name

flew by and changed darkness forever

a spark exploded in the pitch black maze

something burned along in my chest

a miracle that was never spoken of

chasing light and nothing’s the same again

a vision in haze appearing and fading

trying to find the light in all dark

a glowing flame you led me upon

lost in your voice i lit myself in flames

a matchstick and your lips were sparks

hold them right here just a little longer

a smile and eyes that flicker with fire

burning the pieces of me inside-out

a scatter of ashes from a shattered heart

you trampled over in search of

a nother to be yours but never to keep

ignite and you do it all over again

a firework in the darkest night

you came into my life

a light that led me out of the labyrinth

falling into a deeper infinity of abyss

a scar would never heal but i could not

have asked for a better miracle

- deathetix

the light had broken

the very same person it fixed

i knew i wasn’t supposed to be here

but i didn’t belong anywhere else

a deserted rooftop

the world falling asleep

loneliness: the thought of you next to me

cold wind torn out pieces of a heart

and i thought i could catch a wisp

the scent of your perfume

that i get drunk on every time

as the evanescent city lights

turned off one after another

my existence like a polaroid in reverse

saturated colors turned into blanks

every moment was closer to vanishing

leaving with nowhere to go to

and no one to become

all i could hear was silence within me

perhaps i had scattered myself

in hopes of someday

having a body you never touched

but deep down i knew of a confession:

even if i had a thousand lifetimes

meeting you made this one

the one i had been waiting for

a part of me desperately wanted someone

to notice i had been gone for a long time

nothing more than for someone to ask:

where are you? tonight

seeking that answer relentlessly

i wish i knew but lost it when i met you

as my body became a glass casket

and a darkness too familiar

the whole of me selfishly wanted you

and only you to be here

the last and only wish: loving you until the end

two people one faultless and the other broken

under the same faded sky i was lost

in a world you could’ve entered but it’s over

so before i leave and the story ends

one last question that begs for an answer

who are you? you’re all i care about

i let go and an empty casket

fell to the cold concrete ground

crushed into a million pieces

but even then it didn’t belong anywhere

or to anyone for darkness was a burden

my hand scraped from picking up fragments

of a heart that tried not to love so deeply

but simply couldn’t do it

was this the ending you hoped for?

then a while later i had lost count

of how long has passed

for time had ceased to exist

in the world you had the chance to save

but shattered it without knowing

you were the light

in the eternal abyss of darkness

a while later i thought i heard

cutting through the night-

sirens

i woke up

and i didn’t remember anything

but that i was falling

like the dream everyone has

like the feeling everyone knows

i fell too fast and crashed too hard

but it wasn’t from somewhere high

i’m looking at you as i write this

if only you knew i was falling for you

- deathetix

i dont need to be yours

i dont want you to be mine

i only want us to stay like this

in bittersweet heartbeats

for the rest of our lives

or at least just for tonight

- deathetix

take down the sunset a layer after another

until you reach a plain white sky

and i’ll tell you a story before i leave

while i sit in the middle of the asphalt road

hoping the next car won’t brake in time

i’ll tell you why everything has changed

take down the orange dripping out

like sunlit honey spilled from a glass jar

fireplace made of stone glowing warmth

wooden cabin floors in autumn leaves

the same color as her nail polish

and the last thing i saw before

she grasped my throat and held down

acrylic nails ripping me inside out

string lights wrapped around my neck

her eyes piercing what was left of me

take down the red burning the sky to dust

an illusion of fireworks exploding in the air

soft like rose petals fallen to the ground

tasted of ripe raspberries and velvet wine

like scratches hidden under my clothes

from fractured tips of her sharp nails

fresh blood seeping out from her touch

maroon fingerprints across pale skin

old scars and new cuts merged into one

colored by the edge of a stained blade

take down the pink blush snuggled in

sweet pastel swirls of a cotton candy

like cherry blossoms falling on the grass

juices dripping from soft fuzzy peaches

sticky lipstick stains she left on my body

tasted like copper and rust and bubblegum

the flavors on my tongue she has ruined

and memories i could never wash away

her drunken teeth against my paper skin

until my body wasn’t mine anymore

take down the last purple in the barren sky

neon lights and a pitcher of lavender paint

lilac wings of a butterfly caught in sunlight

pastel constellations that once held dreams

i think purple was her favorite color

and that was why she had to cover me

with bruises across my broken body

and you’ll find my lips in that ghastly tone

when i drown myself in a bathtub hearing

my favorite songs fade out one last time

take down the sunset a layer after another

until you reach a plain white sky

she gave me a million reasons to leave

when she was the one that made me stay

and now i think you know why

why i flinch at the sight of every color

- deathetix

ever since i met you that night i've

been breaking off pieces of my body

i wanted to be the piece that matched

your smile as you left me there in the

pouring rain cutting myself inside out

until i didn't know who i was anymore

because it felt better to be dead than to

live as someone that you wouldn’t like

- deathetix

its 1 am and i get taken back to that day

the sunshine glowing on your smooth skin

inside the gallery the walls drenched with art

i saw myself staring relentlessly at your shadow

in the corner a work of art was

living and all i knew was that the

divine taste of your name made

my heart beat for the first time

wine red lips the mystery no one dared to dream about

in the background the paintings became black and white

and when you smiled so softly the world stopped dead

the statues behind you no longer the standard for beauty

in a room full of arts the only one i could see

was the one that could never stay in my life

an impressionist painting under perfect lights

abstract art tasted bittersweet in another realm

your iris made of black marble stones

splattered with paints of gold and silver

like feathers illuminated in the wind

i looked into your eyes and saw a universe

fireworks exploding inside a dark abyss

the sky was filled with a thousand stars

your scent forever carved inside my heart

stars entangled with beautiful darkness

fabrics dipped in rich paint

framed in metallic borders

stained glass fell like rain

became one with my skin

the bristles of paintbrush soft

sketched out my whole world

in your eyes i was hooked on the rush of

running away in the middle of the night

hitchhiking on peach trucks and stargazing

constellations weaved in your black hair

a clear sky and falling asleep in the sound of

rain imagining if i could wake up next to you

the twists and turns of a small rural town where

we could roam free and no one knew our names

candlelights and thunderstorms and black coffee

empty markets and parking lots and late at night

in a car towards the horizon the windows down

feeling like we could conquer the world alone

but my life unfolded in your glance

and im losing my own and only war

memorizing every inch of your shadow

inside the gallery was the start of an end

but i’ve never felt more alive than the night

i was killed by the once in my lifetime

if you could see yourself through my mind

i swear you would fall for your every move

you are the masterpiece no one could decipher

the mystical beauty that feels so close yet so far

2am and outside my window a sky full of stars

i’m drunk on the specks of light in your eyes

- deathetix

its 3am and i still think about you all the time

outside my window the moonlight falls softly

addicted to the way you smiled like

a mystical snowflake before it melts

how you broke apart like i’ve been

every night for the past three years

your name tasted like glass

etched onto the stone wall

all i could see was you and the times leading up to that night

under the neon lights and ferris wheel the high i’ll forever chase

i remember the world flashing from blue to green

glow sticks and lit up signs and your leather jacket

i got lost in your smile the way others were lost

in tasteless drinks and washed up music just so

we couldn’t hear our dying heartbeats slowing down

but when i looked at you the world didn’t make a sound

i remember how the afterparty ended

with you sitting across from me

im sorry for the way i looked at you

and everyone leaving without us

i saw you walking towards the ferris wheel

with moonlight on your smile and i thought

about how i wished tonight would last forever

how much it would hurt when you leave

and i thought about your haunting voice

like faraway sunsets and clear blue waves

it really did feel like all these years were leading up

to that one night enchanting in a shattered world

you held my heart for the little pieces of memories

i held my breath for all the things we never said

there were tears in your eyes

as you kneeled down

and wrote a boy’s name in

the gravel with your finger

i leaned against a stone wall

watching you break yourself

and my hands found their way

carving a name onto the wall

fingers covered in cold blood

forgotten how it felt to be alive

blurred between heavenly lines

it never felt so good to fall apart

i engraved a name on the stone wall

your name that has never left my mind

i wonder if you ever saw the crooked letters

when you asked me about the cuts on my hand

i couldn’t give an answer because there’s not

a moment the word wasn’t my whole entire life

if i could go back in time and undo

that night i don’t think i ever would

your name tasted like shadows

remains untouched on the stone wall

ever since that night i haven’t been able to breath

its 4am and i’m sorry i wasn’t enough

- deathetix