Little Girl

Why didn't you see, you should have been my first love? You should have been the first KING in my life. Yet you walked away and denied me. Was that DNA test not good enough for you? Growing up without a dad is bad for any child. For a boy... he doesn't have the right skills it takes to be a stand up man. He learns how to walk away and how to give up on his family. You teach him how to disrespect women and how to get what he wants, without giving anything in return... His mother can only teach him so much for she isn't a man.. And for a little girl... well, for us we learn young that men will walk away, disappoint us, treat us like we don't matter and maybe only show up when they want something. Why can't you see, you should have opened doors for me? Pulled out my seat? So that I would have standards for the men that came into my life. Why can't you understand, I needed you to tell me to keep my "honey bun" to myself, because it is special and no man should touch it or me until he is willing to put a ring on my finger? Why can't you see my mother couldn't do alone? She was working hard to do her best, but I still ended up between worlds, trying to be the good girl, with good grades and great friends, but at the same time looking for a father in this boy or that man... hoping he would love me unconditionally (you know, the way you didn't?)

You come back around after years of let downs and giving up on me, and act as if I should care for you... the way you never cared about me. You don't get to question me about life as if you didn't miss out it on purpose. You don't get to give me away on my wedding day! As if you did something to get me to this place. You don't get to tell your family about all the good things I have done as if you played a part in that.

Why can't you understand I am no longer hurt? Just done.

Why can't you understand I have forgiven you? But not for your well being, but mine.

Why can't you understand that a little black girl without her dad can grow up to be a mean, hurt, unforgiving black woman?

Take responsibility for the part you played. Stop placing blame on everyone else. And understand this little black girl has moved on.

-Kj