Dialogue

"Maybe, someday, I’ll set your house on fire."

"I’d like to see you try."

"Is that a challenge?"

"You’re the one who said you’d do it."

"And I will. If it comes to that."

"What’s that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, you know. Will you push me to extremes? That remains to seen."

"Right, so we can all be clear it’s my fault when my house is in flames."

"Exactly."

"And I’m the one pushing you."

"That’s what I said. I mean, it’s always you, right? Can you think of a single time anything has ever been my fault?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"Yes, I can think of many times, actually. In fact, things are usually your fault."

"Such as?"

"Everything else you’ve set on fire, maybe?"

"No, the branch was your fault, the flowers were your fault, and the wagon was… not your fault, but definitely not mine."

"And the doghouse?"

"Oh, that one was obviously the dog’s fault."

"The dog didn’t even do anything!"

"The dog was a menace."

"It just slept all the time! And stared dolefully at the lawn now and then."

"And it had a personal vendetta against me."

"Wouldn’t that mean you murdered its family?"

"It never had any family. I must have murdered its favourite ant or something."

"It had a favourite aunt?"

"No, like the insect. It probably had a fling with a little crawly ant and then got mad when I stepped on it."

"It literally just slept all the time. I never even heard it bark."

"It growled at me, every time I went near it. Every time it saw me."

"So you set its house on fire?"

"No. That was after it died."

"And you’re trying to claim it was the dog’s fault?"

"It was the dog’s fault for dying and leaving the house all empty and wooden and tempting!"

"Right. Because that’s how accountability works."

"Exactly."

"So if I die, that’s when you’ll burn my house down?"

"Sure. Or if you do something else that warrants it, of course."

"Right."

"Yeah."

"What if I burn your house down first?"

"That would definitely warrant it."

"You’re so annoying."

"Where are the matches?"