betwixt & between

i am seventeen and invincible.

nevermind the alphabet soup,

( oh, please excuse the spill ! ) a white bowl full of words i didn’t want to say,

now that you’ve seen my heart

i want you to tell me honestly

does it sicken you?

did you come to finally realize that i, i, i

am not the messiah,

not the heroine you were looking for,

only seventeen and invincible.

the faucet is still running. the lines are still drawn. my windows won’t open.

but still, i try to smell the flowers,

the ones you love so much, the ones you came over last tuesday to give me,

i mimic them,

try to plant my feet back into the soil—

into earth, into home, this is home, this is home, this is . . .

i dig my shaky fingers into the skin beneath my eyes and pull

( i try to shed my skin for you. i want to be something beautiful. )

this is home,

but whenever the universe phones me, i gladly give up all my worldly possessions for answers.

moon river, moon river, moon river, wider than a mile

i’m drifting til the earth is a dot, a mark, a blemish,

can you still hear my voice?

you know i adore the sound of yours, ( breathless, when you’re standing at my door telling me i’m real )

i’m shifting dimensions again, you see

can you remind me which one this is? or are you looking through me again?

maybe it’s the one where you have pretty blue hair or the one where i trip over my shoelaces? the one where you forgot my name? the one where my reflection doesn’t show in the mirror?

i run my fingers through my hair, and oh my hands are going right through myself,

nothing to grasp.

you say i’m talking too much again, but won’t you hold my hand?

think i can feel my existence wavering with every quiet winter breeze,

i am seventeen and invincible.