i am seventeen and invincible.

nevermind the alphabet soup,

( oh, please excuse the spill ! ) a white bowl full of words i didn’t want to say,

now that you’ve seen my heart

i want you to tell me honestly

does it sicken you?

did you come to finally realize that i, i, i

am not the messiah,

not the heroine you were looking for,

only seventeen and invincible.

the faucet is still running. the lines are still drawn. my windows won’t open.

but still, i try to smell the flowers,

the ones you love so much, the ones you came over last tuesday to give me,

i mimic them,

try to plant my feet back into the soil—

into earth, into home, this is home, this is home, this is . . .

i dig my shaky fingers into the skin beneath my eyes and pull

( i try to shed my skin for you. i want to be something beautiful. )

this is home,

but whenever the universe phones me, i gladly give up all my worldly possessions for answers.

moon river, moon river, moon river, wider than a mile

i’m drifting til the earth is a dot, a mark, a blemish,

can you still hear my voice?

you know i adore the sound of yours, ( breathless, when you’re standing at my door telling me i’m real )

i’m shifting dimensions again, you see

can you remind me which one this is? or are you looking through me again?

maybe it’s the one where you have pretty blue hair or the one where i trip over my shoelaces? the one where you forgot my name? the one where my reflection doesn’t show in the mirror?

i run my fingers through my hair, and oh my hands are going right through myself,

nothing to grasp.

you say i’m talking too much again, but won’t you hold my hand?

think i can feel my existence wavering with every quiet winter breeze,

i am seventeen and invincible.

“Hey, so—”

“Not you again.”

“Yes me. Wait, am I hearing this right? You remember my voice? Aww.”

“Hanging up.”

“No, wait! Listen I’m, um, lost.”

“… And?”

“What do you mean ‘and’? Help me out? It’s getting dark I’m literally stranded on this huge-ass mountain terrain butt-naked!”

“Again? This is the third time you’ve pulled something like this this week. My shift already ended two minutes ago. Good luck. Watch out for bears, especially by the trees with markings. Take care. Or don’t. It’s really none of my business. Like I said, I already clocked out.”

“You’re so black-hearted! You know what? I’m not even naked. I threw that part in for a dramatic touch meant to shake things up a little, y’know? A catalyst for you coming to save me. You were even supposed to hurry up here after hearing about how vulnerable I am. You’re so mean.”

“And what, exactly, would compel me to go search for a shameless liar when I’m off the clock? I just work here. You’re not even really lost, are you?”

“Yes I am! I’ve never been to this part of the park before and never this late. The sun’s already set. Please come rescue me, Mr. Park Ranger Boy. I’m literally so scared of the dark.”

“Then you should have said something thirty minutes ago when I was on patrol.”

“But I wasn’t losttttt thirtyyy minutesss agooo!”

“Just use your GPS and find your way down.”

“Can’t. It’s dark and I’m paralyzed with fear.”

“Could you at least try and sound more convincing?”

“Is that a yes to you coming to get me?”

“Be quiet. Are there two big boulders in sight from where you’re standing?”

“Yeah, they’re right in front of me—how did you know?”

“It’s the one area in the park that you haven’t yet called me to say you’re lost in.”

“Wow, you know me so well. And you’re coming all this way to save me after your shift ended? This is so romantic. I might die from happiness. Or a bear, have there been sightings near here recently?”

“I’ll let you find out all you want if you don’t stop being so noisy. I can hear you breathing through the phone.”

“That wasn’t very comforting, Mr. Park Ranger Boy. Part of being a ranger is helping people out right? Or do you not fully like the nature of the work?”

“Don’t make me turn this vehicle around.”

“You wouldn’t. Plus that was a good one. Can’t you be a little nicer to me? I’m, like, a regular here.”

“You say that all cutesy as if you aren’t a constant trespasser on national park property. And no, I won’t play nice. Feeding strays makes them come back again and again.”

“…”

“I mean it. I’m already nice enough for not reporting you to the higher-ups, y’know that? ’Cause you’re not so much a threat to the park as you are a nuisance. I don’t think you’d even have it in you to hurt a fly.”

“…”

“Hey, you weirdo, are you still there?”

“…”

“Hello? Can you hear me?”

“…”

“Why aren’t you answering? Did something happen or are you just being petty and mad?”

“…”

“Hey, what’s going on? You need to say something.”

“…”

“If you don’t say something right now I swear to—”

“Park Ranger Boy! So you can process emotions like a normal person! And you are worried. About me. Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you panic, I dropped my phone between some rocks while I was trying to climb one those boulders, then I couldn’t find it for a bit. But hearing you stress over me makes being stranded on a mountain at night alone all worth it. It’s okay, you can say you fell for my—AHHHHH oh wait never mind that’s a squirrel—my, um, my riveting personality and cool charms. Don’t worry—ow, pebble in my shoe—I won’t tell anyone you’ve got a thing for me.”

“Don’t even think about jumping to your own conclusions. I’m not the least bit worried about the little boy who’s crying wolf, excuse me, bear, at the top of this mountain right now. The line went quiet, it’s protocol for a ranger to ask those things. Especially when I know the other person on the line is usually a loud-mouthed, persistent, little—anyways, I wasn’t worried. I spoke calmly and collectedly. It’s my job.”

“Liar. I heard you hit the gas wayyy harder.”

“Are you asking for me to turn this vehicle around? Because I will do it. Right now.”

“We’ve been over this, you wouldn’t.”

“God, you’re so annoying, I don’t even know why I put up with you.”

“I’m the highlight of your job. Hold up, I think I see your headlights! Thank you beary much for coming to get me.”

“…”

“Wait, why are you reversing? Please come back, I’m sorry! I couldn’t help it!”