My Panicked Americans
My fellow Americans - as your emergency Commander in Chief I will do as much as one person possibly can over the next 36 hours to address the most immediate concerns of our country. Every 3 hours I will provide a summarizing tweet on my actions and you can watch live on C-SPAN.
@hypervoter2020 It takes at least an hour just to cram complex policy into 280 characters, so yes - one tweet every 3 hours.
@247grammarnazi Feel free to point out typos as you see necessary.
@sk8trl4d I disagree, I find watching our democratic republic in action riveting entertainment.
HOUR 3: ALL states must adopt & ENFORCE public mask policies or lose Federal relief funds until 90% of the population is vaccinated. The Dept. of Education has guidelines for schools including when they should re-open. Includes emergency funds for school safety protocols.
@maskedhero7 I’m glad you’ve been doing it the whole time, your country thanks you.
@asthmatic53 Please see the CDC taskforce’s weekly announcement on the success & safety of masks as confirmed worldwide and refer to their extensive online guidelines, updated daily as actual science happens.
@influencer99 That is a creative way to wear them, but I would encourage you to follow the CDC guidelines for sanitation as well.
HOUR 6: We are joining COVAX to ensure every country receives vaccines for at least 3% of their population initially, building to 20% of their population as quickly as possible. We are also working with the WHO/Gavi for best practices on testing, tracing protocols, & treatment.
@secretasianman777 Yes, we are very late to this party since COVAX has been operating since April and we’ve already made commitments to vaccine distributors. We are working to ensure equal consideration / funding will be made available to other nations.
@libertarianlibrarian0 We will continue to procure vaccines for Americans; this initiative does not slow this effort, it only contributes to global initiatives as we recognize that vaccine nationalism sets a dangerous tone for global pandemic response.
@flatearther4 No, COVAX is not a Communist vaccination cult. Vaccines are safe. I’m going to link to the CDC’s website again here along with a fifth grade online health textbook, please refer to these.
HOUR 9: Violence from white supremacists now threatens us more than jihadi’s as the key ideology of terror. We have redirected resources accordingly. The Dept.’s of Justice, Homeland Security, & ATF will work to arrest/actively monitor members of right-wing militia groups.
@proudpapa1 Sorry - it’s not “stand by”, it’s “hands up” - but I’m sure our officers will exercise restraint when making their arrests.
@gopordie44 All three dept.’s did look at Antifa and determined it does not pose a significant threat. Months ago. Please go try some new sources of real news and perhaps look up the definition of “false equivalence”.
@floridag8tr Ma’am, thank you, but I don’t need your first born.
HOUR 12: Link to new Federal policing guidelines by reorg. public commission which all states are asked to implement. I asked Congress for Federal funding to states which accept these to help cover costs associated. Per guidelines current police union contracts must be redone.
@leftbrain9 That’s not a very nice thing to say about your elected representatives, now.
@rhonda64 No, this actually provides funding towards police training and oversight - that would be the opposite of “de” funding them.
@acab92 Under the guidelines police unions must be re-organized as “minority” unions allowing dissenting voices within the police to negotiate separately, with all contracts made public for greater oversight by voters. We will empower good cops over bad ones.
HOUR 15: New bill signed for $25 billion to Small Business Administration to directly supply GRANTS - not loans - to small businesses during the pandemic for ANY operational costs, not just PPP. PPP forgiveness guidelines revised.
@teapartyfor2 The newly suggested bill taxing the $14 - 24 billion in fees banks made administering PPP loans should help cover the costs of this program.
@frequentflier12 I will veto further bailout bills until Congress revises them so a greater % of funds (preferably 100) come from low interest, repayable loans. Grants shouldn’t be a first resort - we’ve kept interest rates low, big business can afford to pay them. Small ones shouldn’t have to.
@minibookmonger I know the SBA isn’t perfect, but at least they’re not Wells Fargo.
@247grammarnazi I’m sorry my participle was dangling.
HOUR 18: All court cases against the Affordable Care Act are now dropped. We are backing a new bill in Congress to expand Medicare/Medicaid coverage for all Americans, particularly those who have lost healthcare coverage due to COVID. Includes free COVID care for all, no co-pays.
@nursejoy22 Yes, healthcare worker additional compensation and tax breaks are included - you deserve it.
@roy28dare No, we are not dismantling private health insurance at this time. We’re simply extending public health care options for those without access to affordable private plans.
@europeanlights9 I know we are the only developed country without universal healthcare but we’re also one of the only developed countries whose educational funding is based on property taxes/geographical wealth - so we’re a little slow.
HOUR 21: We stopped all actions against TikTok. I don’t know why this merits a tweet, I was told people cared. We do not set precedent for government-levied takeover of foreign companies - we actually complained about that a while back, we are not opening that Pandora’s box.
@gimmegimmedance OK that was a bigger reaction than the healthcare tweet, I admit I’m a little disappointed.
@capitafist3 Honestly the world’s second largest economy right now is Socialist, so I feel free market Capitalism is already whacked.
@flatearther4 No, TikTok is not hijacking your phone to film you while you sleep. Honestly if the Chinese wanted your data they could get it so many other ways, there’s a cyber attack est. every 39 seconds. Sorry if I just made things worse.
HOUR 24: The FCC has re-enacted net neutrality, if you didn’t notice it was gone.
@wifi51 Well, at least you noticed, thanks for the support.
HOUR 27: We have rejoined the Paris Accord and committed to reducing our carbon emissions as a country by 35% by 2035. We’ll be making up lost time by reestablishing environmental policies removed by the prior administration as well as incentivizing states to adopt clean energy.
@coalminer49er Part of our incentives packages will include retraining funds for states with dislocated workers, helping them find new jobs in clean energy initiatives.
@misspiggy6 No, we are not banning hamburgers, we’re investing in methane capture technologies which will provide farmers grants towards converting their pastures into energy-producing side gigs.
@247grammarnazi Could I get some help in here?
HOUR 30: I proposed a new tax code which establishes a fixed, progressive Fed income tax rate for all Americans. The IRS will auto file your taxes for you with info already collected, and a postcard will be mailed to you to simply verify all info as correct. Just sign & return.
@hipRgranny I couldn’t honestly tell you why we haven’t done this already.
@accountantjim3 I’m sorry, but really - do you enjoy preparing taxes? I can ask for an addendum to provide retraining funds similar to the clean energy initiatives if you feel you need extra work. The IRS is hiring.
@menlennial69 How did you even claim that as a tax deduction to begin with? I don’t think you’re helping your case here.
HOUR 33: Our new budget increases K-12 education funding 150%, aimed mainly at low income schools. Tuition at state colleges receiving Fed funds must be capped, & college waivers made available to low-opportunity students as well as in grads in demand careers like healthcare.
@sassyteach84 Low income schools will be identified as those with disproportionate funding due to lower property taxes or other income in their area, and Fed funding will make up the gap. New teacher training initiatives are also re-established after being cut by the previous administration.
@steelydam2 I’m pretty sure simply reading the responses to this tweet explains why investing in education is so necessary.
@billyis5 No, we will not pay robots to do your homework for you.
HOUR 36: 36 hours ago I invoked the DPA to force tech companies to create a secure way to vote online. Backed by testing/oversight of the FBI & Pentagon every American will be sent login instructions. You can view & track your vote, which will be printed at your election office.
@patriotpam63 Further details will be sent to your address of record for your voter registration, either by mail, email, or over the phone. State election officials will ensure every registered voter acknowledges these instructions.
@ballotboxer4 Local polls will be opened for online access to those who need it. The printed copy will be made available for review upon request after submission.
@datguy42 No, I am not on the ballot. There is no way I would lead you people - you vote like it’s American Idol & one celeb can fix all your problems while you ignore the 435 other elected idiots who make our laws. +You’re too busy to research & have truly informed opinions. POTUS out!