Rough shit - haha.

My dad has cancer.

I'm starting my A levels.

I can't stop daydreaming.

I can't do my schoolwork.

Last time my closest friend asked me how I was doing I broke down and couldn't speak.

I keep procrastinating by answering challenges on this stupid website.

I can't analyse (English literature) for shit.

I don't have any motivation to continue with any of my longer length projects.

I can't get a proper full night's sleep.

I can't drink coffee because I know I'm going to get addicted to the stuff.

The only time I work is at half past midnight and that's not viable.

I picked hard content heavy A levels and it's only a month in and I'm falling apart.

I picked four damned A levels.

I hate physical contact yet I'm starting to like it.

I've got no idea what my gender is.

My sexuality is laughable, and my ideas on it keep shifting to the point where I just shove the label 'queer' on it, and have done with it.

I keep comparing everything to that which I'm learning in my psychology lessons.

I've got no idea how to email people.

Whenever the teachers ask me a question I keep stopping, because I know what I want to say but I can't articulate my thoughts.

My intrusive thoughts are crazy at the minute.

I'm trying to keep to a proper eating schedule because I had anorexia a while back and I don't want to go back to having that, whilst trying to eat less at each meal and not get fat.

I alternate between no energy and some energy.

I haven't had a week of school go by yet without a test (or multiple).

All of my friends are great at their subjects, and I'm here like what the fuck.

I'm trying to stop swearing but I keep slipping up.

I can't trust my mind to remember anything, so I have to write everything down.

I deal with everything through sarcasm.

The only reason I'm so optimistic is because I repress and deny everything.

I mean, I am trying to get past this. I've got app/website blockers on my phone and computer, and I'm trying to increase the amount of work I get done each day. And this year I'm trying to make revision notes from the start - not like my GCSEs, haha.

(But yeah, on the subject of intrusive thoughts it's nice being told to stab yourself by you every time you slip up. And people wonder why I'm not exactly sane.)

Why am I going to publish this? (It's full of stuff I would never tell anyone) Ah yes; I'm going to repress this bad decision.