If I’m Loving Life

If I’m loving life...Then why don’t I want to live? Then why don’t I want to carry on? Why don’t I want to get up in the morning? Why don’t I want to work? Why don’t I want to go on trying?

Susannah drives the serrated knife through the crusted bread. It has been a whole week since she was fired. Unfortunately, the town she lived in didn’t really allow for a large number of workers. The supermarket was all she ever knew.

Why did I tell him that I’m loving life? Why did I lie to him, and to myself?

As if her life wasn’t chaotic enough, she got dumped by her boyfriend only three days ago. He met someone else. His new secretary. And he had the guts to ask her if she’s okay with it. If she will be okay. How she feels. All that junk that was just born out of his guilt. Her mind flies back to George. Oh, George...

Pushing him out of her thoughts, she takes the dry slice, throws the egg on top of it, and squirts some ketchup over. Enjoy it, Susannah. Your ketchup is coming to its end. So is your bread and eggs...

Plumping herself down on the sofa, she dives into her meal. Her eye catches the newspaper. Guiltily, she picks it up. She cannot afford a paper anymore. I wonder if my neighbour is missing his...Hopefully I can return it before he gets home.

Stealing really wasn’t in her nature. But, she saw it lying on the floor, and she just felt like taking a peek at the job section. Her eyes scan over the three options.

Mechanic...Nope, I have no expertise in that area...It’s also a very shabby pay compared to what Steven gets...

Babysitter for three. Holy smokes, no way! Kids and I...The pay is good, though...It will be better than nothing...

Janitor for Callie’s Café...Yech. I am allergic to Callie...And her muffins...Definite no.

Sighing, she finishes her meal and picks up the paper to return it to her neighbour’s door. Well then...Babysitter duty it is...If I get it...

William’s signature ‘left eyebrow rise’ comes into effect as he sees his neighbour’s door opening. She emerges, trying to roll up a newspaper. She suddenly notices him and freezes, her whole facing turning white. He is even sure he heard her say something that should never be heard from a lady. Chuckling, he approaches her.

“Excuse me, miss. Is that my paper?” He extends his hand, and blushing she lays the item in his hand.

“I’m sorry...I wasn’t trying to steal it...Just borrow it...” He gives another chuckle.

“It’s fine. I’ve got nothing against borrowing.” He winks. “May I ask why you needed to borrow my paper, though?”

“Uh...I was just...just checking...” Her voice drops to a whisper. “The job section...”

“Ah!” He nods his head sympathetically. “You worked at the supermarket, right?” She nods, and drops her gaze to the ground. They stand in silence. Furrowing his brows, William quickly works through his plan. It’s a good plan...I think.

“Well, I better go...” She offers blushing.

“Wait! What’s your name?”

“Susannah...” He thrusts out his hand to shake hers.

”Enchanté, Susannah. I am William.” She blushes again, but accepts his handshake. “I was actually thinking...What is your specialty?”

“My specialty...?” She asks confused.

“Yes, what are you good at?”

“Well...I’m good at planning and organizing...” He breaks into a smile, his hand clasping hers more firmly.

“Susannah...Could I offer you a job? It’s terrible pay, for the most part, but you can work from your own apartment block, and when I make it big, I can always give you a raise...”

“What...” She stares at him, though a faint smile takes a hold of her lips and hope starts to shine in her eyes again. “What do you do for a living?”

“I’m an artist. Painting, drawing, sculpting; those are my areas of specialty. I’m terrible at organizing my time, my portfolios are always lying everywhere and is in complete disarray, and I am currently losing track of everything that has to get done, since all my reminder notes are disappearing under other junk...In short...I’m a man in desperate need of assistance...”

Susannah looks up from her filing. What’s he doing now? The hammering stops and she returns her attention to her work.

It’s been three months since she started working for William. The pay has truly been terrible, since he himself is a struggling artist. But, she has fallen in love with her job...Among other things.

Here...I can be myself...And I can forget about depression, worry, fears, and troubles...Because William is there to catch me. Her attention is once again interrupted, this time by the devil of a man himself.

“Are you busy?” He asks excitedly, rubbing the paint on his fingers off onto a rag.

“Almost done. Why?”

“Come check out my latest. It’s specifically made for you.”

“Really?!” She rises excitedly and joins him. “Where is it?”

“Follow me.” He leads her to his studio. “Do you remember that we were talking about loving life?”

“Yeessss...”

“Well...Ta-da!” Her ecstatic cry brings a bright smile to his lips.

“It’s beautiful! Simply magnificent.”

“Remember the words, darling. Keep it in your heart, even when I’m not near...Keep it in your mind, even when troubles appear...”

If I’m loving life,

Then why don’t I always appreciate it?

If I’m loving life,

Then why don’t I always try to make the best of it?

If I’m loving life,

Shouldn’t I be spending time with my loved ones?

If I’m loving life,

Shouldn’t I be smiling even when trouble comes?

If I’m loving life,

Trying times are just challenges that have to be conquered.

If I’m loving life,

There’s not much to it but to keep on doing what I’m doing.

If I’m loving life,

I hope that I’ll be smart enough to always love you.

If I’m loving life,

I hope that I will never be as stupid to depart from you.

If I’m loving life,

Then you are the song that I sing to say, “Thank you.”

And if I’m loving life, in conclusion, I’d like to say,

I hope to smile at every day, accepting the troubles, with you by my side.