A Hunt for Contentment

Standing there during graduation, donned in the traditional hat and gown, overflowing with the satisfaction of achievement, I could feel the contentment course through me.

My heart pumped this contentment for some time following this. With hindsight, there's comedy in my arrogance. I was convinced that in three years I had discovered a permanent certainty of self that I had missed previously. I was adamant that I knew what I believed, I had solved the moral dilemmas that had faced me, I knew who my friends were and what I considered to be the fundamentals of life.

Then, this armour of certainty forged from contentment began to rust and holes appeared. Circumstance dropped me alongside past friends who refused to release their past perceptions of me. Suddenly, the certainty of self was being challenged by something as intangible as an alternative perception and the certainty wavered. Then, I entered new circumstances in which I met new people who had no perception. Convinced that I had the prime opportunity to enforce and establish my certain self upon the blank canvas of a new environment, again, my certainty of self was further corroded. They failed to accept my certain perception of self and formed their own perceptions which collided with my own.

With the shackles of uncertainty reapplied, the illusive contentment gradually slipped from me as I grasped in vain to retrieve it. Again, the ambitions I had for myself clashed awkwardly with the obstacles that were the perceptions of others. Each clash rattled my certainty and left me dizzy with questions. What do I believe? What do I do in this moral dilemma? Do I have friends? What are the fundamentals of my life?

Time passed. I learnt to navigate the obstacles of each person's perception of me. And incrementally, I felt the shackles of uncertainty weaken. I again had the agility to collect the shattered pieces of my contentment and refurbished this battered antique so it resembled its former prestige.

The cycle complete and a lesson learnt. Embrace and enjoy the certainty and contentment. However, know its fragility and expect damage. Accept that this will come but life will provide you with the tools to repair this.