My Catherine

She laid motionless, tucked in those white sheets surrounded by white walls. Her eyes that once danced with pride were now void. Those eyes that possessed every shade of the light were now vacant, as if staring at the heavens. I leaned by her side and took her wrist, longing for a pulse I knew would never come.

“She’s gone,” said the doctor, patting my shoulder. But I didn’t turn back; I couldn’t. I never wanted to see her like this. I wished for those warm hands that held me tight, wrapping me in warmth. I wished for the vibrant smile that could heal any broken heart. I wished she would suddenly turn around and ask me how my day was. But it’s too late.

Catherine, she was gone. Forever. I didn’t know if I should pray to God or curse him. Of course, we can’t keep bawling like babies or throwing tantrums like toddlers, for this is life and you have no magical potions to save the love of your life and death here, is inevitable. I cupped my hands on her cold cheeks and planted a kiss on her forehead; something I had always longed for. A part of me still denied the fact that she was no more. But I had to rub my tears and leave. I couldn’t stay there any longer.

“She kept calling for you before her soul slipped away,” he said as he led me out of the room. I held my head down controlling my tears. The doctor was going to say something but was cut in the middle by a nurse who came running, with shoulders moving up and down rhythmically as if her heart would pop out any moment. She was panting so hard that her words could barely be heard. And finally she whispered, almost fainting,“Doctor! She — she’s breathing!”

Those words came shooting through my eardrums like shards of glass. The doctor’s eyes widened and he ran straight into the room pushing almost everyone who came into his way. But I couldn’t move. Something held me tight. My legs were rooted deeply to the concrete surface. I didn’t know if this moment would last forever, but something was sure — she was breathing. My Catherine was breathing!