She laid motionless, tucked in those white sheets surrounded by white walls. Her eyes that once danced with pride were now void. Those eyes that possessed every shade of the light were now vacant, as if staring at the heavens. I leaned by her side and took her wrist, longing for a pulse I knew would never come.

“She’s gone,” said the doctor, patting my shoulder. But I didn’t turn back; I couldn’t. I never wanted to see her like this. I wished for those warm hands that held me tight, wrapping me in warmth. I wished for the vibrant smile that could heal any broken heart. I wished she would suddenly turn around and ask me how my day was. But it’s too late.

Catherine, she was gone. Forever. I didn’t know if I should pray to God or curse him. Of course, we can’t keep bawling like babies or throwing tantrums like toddlers, for this is life and you have no magical potions to save the love of your life and death here, is inevitable. I cupped my hands on her cold cheeks and planted a kiss on her forehead; something I had always longed for. A part of me still denied the fact that she was no more. But I had to rub my tears and leave. I couldn’t stay there any longer.

“She kept calling for you before her soul slipped away,” he said as he led me out of the room. I held my head down controlling my tears. The doctor was going to say something but was cut in the middle by a nurse who came running, with shoulders moving up and down rhythmically as if her heart would pop out any moment. She was panting so hard that her words could barely be heard. And finally she whispered, almost fainting,“Doctor! She — she’s breathing!”

Those words came shooting through my eardrums like shards of glass. The doctor’s eyes widened and he ran straight into the room pushing almost everyone who came into his way. But I couldn’t move. Something held me tight. My legs were rooted deeply to the concrete surface. I didn’t know if this moment would last forever, but something was sure — she was breathing. My Catherine was breathing!

i b r e a t h e .

s p a c i n g o u t m y l u n g s

w a i t i n g f o r t h e p e r f e c t d o s e

o f o x y g e n.

i s i g h ,

f e e l i n g s o h i g h

t h a t t h e a i r g e t s t h i n .

a n d i f l y

o n b r o k e n w i n g s .

i s c r e am ,

a n d a l l t h e a i r i h a v e

s a v e d u p

l e a v e s m y l u n g s

e m p t y .

i c r y

t e a r s o f a i r ,

f a l l i n g s o f t l y

o n t o m y e m p t y f a c e .

i b r e a t h e ,

a n d i w i s h i w o u l d s t o p

t a k i n g a i r i n t o

m y l u n g s .

i

try

&

i

try

&

i

try

to breathe

b u t i ' m c h o k i n g

because

w

h

a

t

i

f

y

o

u

d

o

n

'

t

l

o

v

e

m

e

a

n

d

n

e

v

e

r

e

v

e

r

c

o

u

l

d

?

Throat closing up

Sides pressing in

Breathing is restricted

As the heart starts

Aching more

I am giving up

On something precious

And my choice leaves me breathless

For I know that it is wrong

But I still forge ahead

You and I are reaching the end

I am losing some

Oxygen in my life

I’ll need to breathe more

Shallowly, it seems

Breathing restricted

Almost non-existent

But, how can I breathe

in my own toxic presence?

How can you breathe if I’m still here?

Maybe if I stopped strangling myself so

Took the noose from my neck

Maybe then I’ll breathe more easily

We can try one more time, perhaps

But until I make my decision

I have to survive without breathing...

A pair of claws landed on his shoulders.

His heart started to skip a beat—

He felt beads of sweat roll down his neck~

Claws pierced right through his chest-

Pulling out his heart before his very eyes.

The Shadow Man laughed and squeezed the heart, ‘‘Happy New Year!’’

The mortal looked on in fright at the Shadow Man who chuckled on knowing the man had now stopped breathing.

#BREATHING. (c)

2nd Jan., 2021

#HappyNewYear

In and out.

That is all it takes, but why is it so hard?

Every breath feels like a punch in my gut.

I'm pulling in so much oxygen, but maybe it is too much?

My lips feel dry and my lungs scream for air, but why?

I'm breathing aren't I?

My pounding heart is causing a headache and my fingers are starting to go numb.

Why is this happening?

I tell myself all I need to do is breath in and out.

One breath at a time.

But the ground suddenly starts to look so appealing.

And the bathroom stalls are starting to spin.

Is this what it feels like to die?

Still breathing, but the world is distorted.

Still standing, but my knees feel like jello.

Still holding on, but I would rather be on the floor.

But then she comes and holds me up.

"Hey, look at me. Just follow my breaths."

I nod and let her hold me.

"In and out. In and out. That's it. Slowly."

I match her pace and smile as feeling comes back into my hands.

My lungs fill with just the right amount of oxygen.

Not too much, not too little.

Now the world stops turning.

And the hands wrapped around me are more comforting then the dirty floor.

Now she smiles and I smile back.

"See? All you had to do was breathe. And now the world is back to normal."

Yes, this is living.

One small breath at a time.

In and out.

It is only air going in and out, and yet because of it all life relates, it is what makes us exist, it is the source of all emotions and all actions, going back in time to the first breath we took and going forward to the last breath we will ever take, we create because our lungs work as an engine, feeding us with what will keep our heart pumping, disregarding the physical aspect of its importance, we can find a living body with no soul, but we have never met a soul with no body, only breathing souls can act only they can be seen, when a breath is taken it gives us another second, and in that second we think, we exist, we relate, it might be silent and forgotten, although we don’t think about it most of the time, but it is there despite being unrecognized it continues to do its job, the one gift that was born with us and will leave will us, in the single second it provides us, we have a chance to represent this gift’s importance for us, so fragile yet so valuable, taken for granted, yet we know, it’s ok to acknowledge its importance, it is not a weakness to understand its value for you, embrace each second for one day you will breathe out and never again take another breath.