i’m sorry

‘im sorry’ she said

‘why are you sorry? you didn-’

‘yes, i did. i didn’t choose you, i chose me.’ she looked away, too ashamed to even look at the girl in front of her.

‘what do you mean?’ the second girl started to worry, hearing the dejection in the voice of the girl she had just started to fall in love with.

‘i made a selfish choice’ she was still looking away from the foolish girl.

‘w-what?’

‘i chose your life over our short-lived happiness’ she turned her head towards the girl that she would do anything for but not looking in her eyes.

‘i don’t understand, what do you mean?’ even though she did not understand what was happening, she felt her heart clench in worry and sadness.

‘i mean, i was given a choice, us living happily ever after for the next half year before you die a horrific death in front of my eyes. or you living a full life for the next 70 years and dying peacefully, without me. i didn’t even think before i made my choice. i chose selfishly.’ she still did not look into the green eyes in front of her but she did try to memorize every feature of the girl who was falling in love with her. the slope of her nose, the shape of her round eyes, the way her curls fell around her face, the curve of her lips when she spo-

‘i still don’t understand, what did you choose?’ the curly-headed girl didn’t understand why her love had to make such a choice. however, what she did know was that she didn’t like either option.

‘oh love, i’m so sorry. i chose me, i chose me knowing that you’ll be safe for the rest of your life. i chose knowing that you’ll have a chance to be happy again, without dying right after falling in love’ she finally looked into the green eyes that she had avoided since the beginning of this conversation, conveying all of her emotions through that one look.

‘o-oh’ was all that the now broken-hearted girl could say. she was too busy trying to sort through all the emotions she was assaulted with when their eyes had connected. all the pain, hope, disappointment, and love. she did not know what to say.

‘it wasn’t a hard choice. not when i know that you can find happiness again, with somebody easier to love, who does not carry all this baggage, somebody worthy of all your love. someone who can heal all the wounds i have given you, not just by this choice but also those from my previous actions and words and those you gave yourself in your attempt to change yourself for me’ she shook her head, once again looking away from the green-eyed beauty in front of her.

’but what if i don’t want to? what if i don’t want to give you up? what if i would rather spend the next 6 months with you and then die gruesomely but at least knowing that i was with the love of my life?” she was growing desperate, not liking what she was hearing from the girl she had realized she wasn’t only falling for but already loved with all her heart.

‘it’s already too late, and i would not let that happen anyway. i care too much for you to not let you have a chance at a full life where you could fulfill all of your dreams. i know you’ll probably hate me for the choice i made but know this, i’ll always love you and be there for you, just not physically. anything you might need, i’ll provide you but you’ll never see me. i just ask you to promise me one thing’ her own heart was breaking with every word she was saying, only being able to look into the broken green eyes in front of her at the end.

‘anything, i’ll do anything for you’ those words rushed out of her mouth before she knew she was thinking them but they were the truth. the green-eyed girl would still do anything for the girl that was leaving her.

’promise me that you’ll try to be happy again. that you won’t lock yourself away for the rest of your life. that you’ll live your life, where ever it might lead you, to whomever it might lead you as long as you’re happy” she stared into those green eyes, remembering all their memories together, happy and sad. all she wished for was the happiness of the owner of those eyes.

‘i-i promise’ the girl felt that this conversation was coming to an end. she could feel it in the air but she didn’t want to believe it, she didn’t want to let it happen. at least not yet, ‘but don-’

‘i’m sorry’ she turned away from the green-eyed girl, breaking the last of both of their hearts, and walked away. forever.