two | faded

Arlow roamed aimlessly through the streets of the city, letting the chaos that surrounded her swallow her up. It was overwhelming at times but at the moment, she wanted nothing else but to be drowned out by the sounds of life.

Stopping, she looked around, eyes scanning over the dozens of people that were around her. Each one of them had their own lives, different dreams, and desires, and they were so alive, so bright in the dimming world they lived in.

Someone bumped into her, their apology bringing her back to reality. She smiled at them but then they disappeared as if they were nothing more than a shadow, fading into the background.

Lowering her gaze, she walked, not caring where she went. Icy air cut through her light coat and into her core as she let her feet take her downtown. Person after person brushed past her when they realized she wasn’t going to move out of their way. A few glared at her, annoyed.

Finally, she came to a stop. She didn’t realize it at first but when she looked up, she met her reflection’s gaze in a shop window. The urge to stay there forever gnawed at her like an itch she couldn’t reach but she forced herself forward, opening the door.

A brass bell chimed but the delicate sound faded away when the door closed, dropping her into the silence as if it was cold water.

She knew the familiar melody of silence yet this was different, sounding more hollow and empty as if the place was solely existing apart from the busy New York cities outside.

Looking over her shoulder, Arlow frowned. Something was off yet she couldn’t name it. It hovered over her shoulder, barely brushing against her.

She wandered through the store, her high-heeled boots creating the only sound that filled the vacant air. Antiques and knick-knacks filled the shelves and tables that occupied the strange shop but not one grabbed her attention. They lacked interest, their once shiny medals now dull and boring, having no character to them.

The smell of cinnamon spice was overwhelming but it reminded her of something—something she couldn’t remember. The memory was there, in the forefront of her mind, yet she couldn’t grasp it. It slipped away like her breath on a fall morning.

Each step took her deeper into the heart of the store and farther away from the door to reality yet she couldn’t turn back. Something was luring her forward, something strong, the desire to be lost in the commotion of the city was gone.

She stopped. Whatever it was, it was close. Her heartbeat raced as she turned down an aisle, her steps quickening. Before her, surrounded by matted and blurry antiques, was a brass oil lamp with sapphire stones embedded. It glinted in the early morning sunlight that filter through the windows and reflected off of the relics that surrounded the treasure she’d found.

Reaching forward, she cupped it in her hand and lifted it, examining it. Every inch of it shimmered as she gently touched the carvings that decorated the sides. The bowel of the lamp held a translucent blue liquid that sloshed slightly as she turned.

“Would you like to buy that?”

The voice came from a woman with silky smooth blonde hair and sea-green eyes that were strangely large for her round face. She was drastically smaller than Arlow but she wouldn’t have described her as short as she had a vibrant look that played in her mischievous eyes, a grin lighting her lips.

She didn’t speak—couldn’t speak—but simply nodded, following the elfin woman to the front of the store.

“I’m Aerin.” She offered the information so suddenly, Arlow was left speechless, watching as she tapped a nametag which she hadn’t noticed before. “See?”

“I’m—.”

“Arlow, I know.”

“How?”

Aerin grinned as she tapped the price into the register. “I don’t know, you just seem like an Arlow to me.” She narrowed her eyes slightly. “Or maybe an Arlee?”

She stiffened, her hand stopping as she reached out to take the lamp from the woman.

Arlee.

That’s what he had called her. It had been a playful nickname but it was painful to hear as if someone had reached through her skin and grabbed her heart, twisting and pulling until the veins snapped like stretched rubber bands.

“Six dollars.”

Arlow blinked, reality washing over her skin like water as she pressed the money to the counter. She took the lamp slowly, mind still foggy with confusion, and pushed the front door open with her hip.

Aerin called after her, a few nickels and pennies clasped in her hand, but fell silent when the door shut, the bell mocking her futile attempt.

“Oh, shut up,” she snapped and it stilled instantly. “No one cares about what you have to say.”

She watched as the girl made her way down the street, weaving through the crowd of people that lingered to watch Christmas decorations in store windows. A knowing smile slipped across her face as she turned back to her work.

***

Disgust writhed across Arlow’s shoulders like a snake, looping around her neck and squeezing as it made its way down her back. The oxygen left her lungs, leaving her gasping for air as she stood next to Key, her arm on his.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” she growled under her breath, digging her nails into his suit coat. “Whose idea was this?”

“My mothers.” His mouth barely moved when he spoke as he was too scared to let the smile on his face fade. “She thought it would be a good idea.”

She pulled her arm away from his grasp and descended, anger bubbling up in her chest. Her heart ached, burned, with each step. The gaudy shiny ‘Happy Birthday’ banner made her nauseous, causing the world to spin.

The urge to rip it down grew overwhelming as she neared the table but someone stopped her by firming gripping her wrist and pulling her back. Looking over her shoulder, she found Markyus’s soft brown eyes staring into hers, warning her.

She frowned, confused as to why he was here and not out of the country like he said he was going to be. “Why are you here?”

“Calm down.” He spoke. “I didn’t want to miss your birthday.”

His hand slid across her shoulder, pulling her close to him and moving her away from the table. Moving with ease as if she weighed nothing, he set her down on the dance floor and stepped back, looking to make he hadn’t caught anyone’s attention.

She opened her mouth to speak but he cut her off.

“I know it’s not easy being here but trust me.” He took a deep breath. “Mrs. Ahn was just trying to make your day a little better.”

“It’s the death anniversary of Atticus and she’s throwing a birthday party,” she sneered. “It’s not very thoughtful.”

“Atticus—.” The word rolled off his tongue as if it was the first time he’d said it.

She took a deep breath, closing her eyes and forcing herself to tune everything out. For one night, she could pretend nothing was wrong. It would be easy to force a smile like she had so many times before but she knew that this time would be painful.

“I’m fine.”

As if a switch had been flipped somewhere inside her, she smiled and her eyes lit up as if they had never been clouded by tears and anger. And just like that, the Arlow he knew was replaced by a stranger wearing her skin.

“Oh, wow! Look at all the people!” Her smile widened, almost splitting her face. “This was so nice of Mrs. Ahn.”

“We can leave.”

Looking at him, her smile never wavered. “Why would we do that?”

“I don’t like seeing you like this.”

She stiffened, her voice dropping to a whisper. “I don’t like it either but right now, this is what’s expected of me.”

“I’ll take you home, let’s go.”

His fingers laced through hers and he led the way. At first, she wanted nothing more than to leave and never step foot in the nauseating room again but as they neared the exit, she pulled back, her hand shaking in his comforting hold.

“I can’t.”

Above them stood Mrs. Willowbrook, her hands resting on the banister as she scanned the crowd.

Markyus let his hand fall away, freezing as their gazes met. The woman’s cold brown eyes softened slightly as a smile spread across her face. His first thought was Arlow but, when he looked down, she was gone.

Panic rose in the back of his throat, tasting of bile and metal as he swallowed. He gave her a polite nod and moved forward, disappearing under the catwalk she stood on. Once out of her sight, he took a deep breath as he dialed Arlow’s number.

“Where did you go?” He shoved his hand into his pocket, thumb hooking on the buckle loop. “You can’t just disappear like that.”

“I’m not ready to face her just yet,” she answered, voice muffled from the noise around her. “Please, I only need a moment.”

Glancing over his shoulder, he watched as the people crowded around the main table parted and let the server through. The young man carefully carried a three-tier off-white cake with bold bright pink letters that spelled ‘Happy Birthday’.

“I’m afraid that’s not going to work.”

As the words left his mouth, the room fell silent and Mrs. Ahn raised her voice.

“We would like to wish Miss Arlow Willowbrook a happy twenty-first birthday.” The genuine happiness that dripped from her words was contagious and soon the whole room was cheering and shouting.

The birthday girl appeared from the corner, a smile on her face. It was real. The excitement making her eyes sparkle as she made her to the front of the room.

Everyone joined in as Mrs. Ahn sang ‘Happy Birthday’ as Arlow stood, her face alight with sheer joy. The song came to an end and everyone waited quietly as she stepped forward, taking the knife from the hands of a server.

Her fingers wrapped around the smooth marble handle as she cut the first piece, dodging Lock’s attempts to steal icing from the edge of the blade. For a split second, her eyes darted past his laughing face and to the front door where a young man stood, his whitened blonde hair glowing in the dark lights that reflected off the dance floor.

The sight of him struck something inside of her and her heart started to ache. Her smile weakened before falling from her face completely as she let Lock take the cake from her hand without resistance.

A tear sprang to the corner of her eye, falling without warning and leaving a warm trail on her face that quickly turned cold, jarring her to the core. She rolled her tongue against the roof of her mouth, trying to rid herself of the bitter taste of frost on an early winter morning. A shiver ran through her body, shaking her as if she was nothing more than flax in a rainstorm.

Lock, realizing something was wrong, followed her gaze to the door but only confusion covered his face. He didn’t know who it was and felt no draw to the person but the longer he looked, the heavier his shoulders became.

“Who—?” He looked at her and then back towards the exit only to see that the person no longer stood there.

Slowly turning to Arlow, he was startled to see that she was fine like nothing had happened. She nodded her thanks to those who wished her a happy birthday and exchanged a few words.

Casting one more glance towards the door, he shrugged and took the plate that was handed to him and decided not to worry about what had happened.

***

“Mom.”

The word felt foreign leaving Arlow’s mouth as she swallowed the metallic taste that lingered in the back of her throat.

She waited to hear the click of the front door shutting behind her before she headed for the kitchen, leaving her jacket on the back of a bar stool. She watched her mother who stood by the sink, as she set the box of leftover cake down on the counter.

“You knew I was coming back, didn’t you?” She turned, her smile momentarily making Arlow relax but she quickly straightened, well aware of what could hide behind a kind face.

“I had a hunch,” she answered.

“I was home before the party started but you weren’t here,” her mother continued. “But I left your present in your room.”

She could only nod a reply. Her throat was tight and her vision was blurring as her mind rewind several years to when she was younger, surrounded by the loving arms of her mother and father, standing next to her brother as people sang the all-too-familiar birthday song.

Absentmindedly, she made her way into the living room, stopping by the fireplace mantel to look at the many family pictures that were there.

Or had been there.

The shelf was bare, now void of the moments that they had captured as photographed memories.

“W-where are they? What did you do with the pictures, Mother?” she screamed, her words blurred together. She pulled back as she lifted her hand to touch the empty wooden ledge, suddenly feeling the urge to shrink into the shadow.

Mrs. Willowbrook appeared in the doorway, her black suit blending into the darkness behind her. Her dark eyes met Arlow’s cognac brown gaze but she didn’t waver.

“I got rid of them.”

“W-why?”

She struggled to keep her voice steady as she hugged her arms close to her. The room spun, the colors on the wall twisting together until they became nothing more than a blur, nauseating her as she stumbled, attempting to stay balanced.

“They’re gone.”

Gone.

It didn’t feel like they were gone. It felt as if they had just been standing there in the middle of the room, laughing and smiling like they always had. She knew that, in reality, they had gone for so long that any trace of their existence should have been erased from the present.

No words formed when she opened her mouth and no tears formed in her eyes. Instead, she stood numb and shocked, letting reality roll over her like the waves of the sea—cold and sharp.

Her eyes darted to the ledge once more, stomach knotting at what she saw. Those pictures had helped her remember when she started to drift into forgetfulness and now they were gone, torn to shreds in the garbage.

Legs weak, she fell to her knees a calming emptiness spreading through her body, reminding her of when she learned to swim. Her brother had placed his hand under her back and held her in place as she attempted to float, relaxing and letting the water hold her above its drowning depths.

She knew he had smiled when she’d finally succeeded but she couldn’t see it anymore. His presence was still in her memory but what he looked like, how he laughed, was gone, leaving a hollow shell.

Guilt weighed down on her like the world settling on her shoulders but still, no tears came. She managed to stand and robotically walked to her room, her footsteps echoing through the empty hallways that had once been lined with photos.

Entering her room was like opening the door to an unknown world and her breathing hitched at the thought of what memories had been painfully removed. Flipping the light switch, she scanned the room for anything that was missing but everything was normal, untouched.

She walked to her desk and settled in the chair, staring at the box before her. Her name was scrawled across the tag but she couldn’t bring herself to open it. Rubbing the end of the ribbon between her thumb and forefinger, she took a deep sigh and removed the lid.

Under any other circumstance, she would have been thrilled by what lay inside but right then, the thought of owning a Bugatti was sickening as her mother was trying to fill the hole her brother and father had left behind.

Letting her head fall into her hands, she sighed, the tears finally coming. They were scalding, making her want to wipe them away before they fell but she let them run freely.

A knock came from the door, her mother’s muffled voice reaching her ears. “My flight leaves in an hour so I’m leaving right now.”

She heard the woman turn to go but hesitate for a moment before descending the stairs, her steps fading out until Arlow was surrounded by silence once more.

Looking up, her eyes rested on the tarnished lamp she’d bought earlier in the day. It had shown so brightly but now it faded into the background, surrounded by pens and scraps of paper that littered her desk. She picked it up, surprised by the amount of dust that had already gathered on it. Running her thumb over the body of the lamp, she noticed that the metal was smudged so, using the heel of her palm, she attempted to rub it out but to no avail. Frustration started to quickly grow in her stomach and she decided it wasn’t worth the struggle.

After all, it was a worthless lamp she’d bought in some unknown shop.

Standing, she slowly entered the bathroom where she turned the shower to cold. She stepped out of her dress and slipped under the waterfall and rolled her shoulders back. Goosebumps erupted on her arms and it was difficult to breathe as her whole body protested against the chill but the tears stopped falling. She closed her eyes, letting the sound of water envelope her in a comforting hug.

A few moments later she made her way downstairs wearing fresh clothes and a towel wrapped around her head. As she passed the windows in the living room, she caught sight of Butler Kai’s car pulling out of the driveway.

She was alone now and as the realization registered, an eerie feeling of loneliness set in, starting as a small ache in her bones that grew until it had her whole body under its control.

Forcing herself to move forward, her phone buzzed in her back pocket.

“Kenni!” she answered, a smile involuntarily appearing on her face. “How are you?”

“I’m about to board my flight back and I have never been more excited to leave home. I saw a spider bigger than my head and I’m going to need mental rehab to get over it.”

She laughed, the sound echoing strangely through the room. “Just don’t go back.”

“Ah, yes, because telling my parents that their one and only precious daughter hates where they live is just so easy to do.” Kenni sighed.

The kitchen light switched on the sound of the utensil drawer opening made Arlow freeze and pull her phone away from her ear. No one was supposed to be home.

“Hey, can I call you back?” She felt bad for cutting her friend off but there was nothing else she could do. “Text me when you land.”

“Will do. Oh, happy birthday, girl!”

She said a quick “thank you” and ended the phone call, tucking it into her back pocket after she pulled 911 up, reading to call if needed.

Slowly and as quietly as possible, she snuck to the doorway and peered into the kitchen, taken aback by what she saw.

“Who are you and what are you doing?”

She pushed away from the wall and crossed her arms over her chest, glaring at the young man that sat at the island counter, fork in his mouth and a piece of her leftover birthday cake on a plate before him.

“Oh, sorry to scare you.” He smiled, dimples appearing. His dark eyes found her and a strange yet comforting warmth spread through her chest bringing a slight grin to her face. It quickly vanished when she realized she still didn’t know who he was or what he was doing in her house.

He had to be around her age, maybe a year older than her but his face had a certain childish look to it that made it practically impossible to pinpoint whether he was twelve or twenty.

His mouth seemed to have a permanent contagious smile that caused his whole face to glow and his eyes to sparkle. He wore a black suit coat that rested loosely on his shoulders, a white t-shirt underneath paired with a simple silver chain and circular lens glasses. Multiple piercings decorated both ears, glimmering as he twisted in his seat.

“Who are you?”

He raised his eyebrows in slight confusion and pointed at himself, his index finger against his chest. “Me?”

“No, Santa Clause.” She rolled her eyes. “Yes, you.”

“I’m, um, a—.” He looked around, eyes scanning every detail of the kitchen and taking it all in. “A friend of your butler.”

“My butler’s not here right now,” she spoke slowly, unsure of whether she wanted to reveal that fact or not. “So why are you here?”

“He told me there was a guest room,” he answered quicker this time, more smoothly. “I’m only going to stay a night or two. I’m just passing through.”

“He never talked to me about this arrangement though.”

“He probably talked to your mom about it.” He waved it off and went back to his slice of cake. Mouth full and icing around the edges of his mouth, he continued. “This is delicious, where’d you get it from?”

Irritated and concerned by the sudden appearance of a stranger in her house, she tapped the label on the box.

“Ah, Jaemin Bakeries.” He nodded. “That’s a fancy name. I like it.”

“Speaking of names, what is your name?”

She leaned back in her seat, waiting for him to finish the bite that was in his mouth and answer her.

“Jaemin. Jaemin G.”

“Jaemin G.?” She repeated. “Are you sure you didn’t just steal that off the cake box?”

“Why would I?” His eyes widened as he straightened, wiping his hands on a paper towel he’d snagged from the counter behind him. “And even if I did, why does it matter? I don’t know your name so why should you get to know mine?”

She was quiet, unable to argue with his logic. Instead, she decided to focus her attention on the cake he was currently devouring.

“That’s mine, you know,” she muttered.

“Oh, is it?” It was almost impossible to understand what he was saying but she managed somehow. As reality dawned on him, he slowed his chewing and looked up at her, a certain mischievous look coming across his face. “That means it’s your birthday, right?”

She nodded slowly, unsure of what to make of the person before her.

“Just a moment.” He pointed his index finger at her and stood, rummaging through the drawers until he found what he was looking for.

Sliding a separate—and small—piece of cake onto a plate, he stuck three white and blue spiraled candles into it and shoved it across the table. He clicked the lighter on and lit the candles before leaning back in his seat, satisfied with what he had done.

“What’s this? Are you going to sing for me?” Sarcasm dripped from her words like rain from pine boughs.

“No.” He shook his head. “It’s your birthday. You should make a wish.”