had

lidded eyes and

tendrils of exhaust

how did my hand end up

on top of yours, because i

don't remember anymore

that's one memory, but

what's the real one?

I missed your birthday party

because I didn't want to see

you.

We had all those plans, and

let you in, smiling like you

belonged there, among the books

and the lies i've been telling myself

I cancelled them.

I wonder how you remember it

all, or do you ever even think of me?

Would I like you to?

You must think I'm

some days I'd curl in bed with tendrils

of smoke wrapped through my hair, still

breathing in your attention like

a child, so innocent, i bet, you say to

yourself, under your breath and spiteful

or maybe it's too harsh to think you'd

be cruel and forget me selfish you've

forgotten me, haven't, would i like that?

I wonder how you remember me.

hands barely touching and that's as close

as we're ever gonna get I think I knew that

I knew that then and I pulled away I knew

The real memory is after your birthday.

Cause we never really talked at all after

that. Cause it was better for me, cause I'm

selfish only looking after myself, no niceties

found out I think too late, but I was

discovering it then that I wasn't built

for you didn't belong there, I didn't

for any of it at all, and I had to.

I had to.

We didn't talk because I had to not.

That was okay,

even if you don't remember me

because I've figured it out.