Confessions...

I let out a nervous breath, my hands shaking as I type.... "I love you, I think about you all the time, we have so much fun together, it can't just be me that feels it". the drive back home from the concert is insanely long not just because of the distance from the venue to my house but because he only replies once I'm at my door. I grab my phone anxiously, my eyes widening at his reply: "I love you too, I know I haven't been acting like it but, I feel it too". Oh my gosh! I breathe out, my smile wide, but then I remember exactly how we got onto this topic, how can he be saying all this when moments earlier he was asking for advice about another girl? I swallow hard, maybe I shouldn't be doing this, maybe I should just accept the reciprication and be happy, but he's been doing this for months, the whole hot and cold thing is exhaustin. I sigh again my fingers typing my reply: "what about kelly"? I asked simply. His reply is quicker this time but none the less nerve racking: "I shouldn't have brought her up, I'm sorry, I just, maybe I'm just confused". I roll my eyes, what on earth does that mean? How can he still be playing the confused card: "it's not confusing Nathan, you've been doing this for months, you talk and act like I'm the only one you want and then you switch, what is this"? His reply makes my heart beat faster, despite my best intentions to steady myself: "I'm sorry, I've strung you along, I guess i just wasn't used to getting so much attention, girls don't exactly look twice at me normally, but I do love you, you have to believe me". My eyes start to water, sheer happiness overcoming me, but I won't share him, not with anyone, especially not Kelly: "you can't have us both" I text back: "I wanna be with you Nathan, so make a choice, and once you've made it you can't go back on it ok? Me or her"? His reply is instant, so quick I almost don't register it, no one word has ever made my heart soar so high: "you".