The War of the (Right) Ring (Wing)

If J.RR. Tolkien were alive today and had witnessed the political events which have unfolded, and seem to be the gathering clouds of a civil war in the USA, he might’ve written a tale that started out like this, with apologies again, to J.R.R.Tolkien for this piece of obvious humor from “The Hobbit”

...In a hole in the ground there lived some Republicans. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole, it was a Republican-hole, and that means it was filled with delusions of a stolen election, the support for a traitorous former president, and white privileged comfort which they wrapped comfortably around themselves, within their hole in the Capitol.

Deeper down in another dark chamber lived old Mitch McConnell, a small slimy creature. I don't know where he came from, nor who or what he was. He was Mitch - as dark as darkness, except for two big round pale eyes in his thin face. He had a little gavel, and he waved it about quietly in the Capitol; for Capitol it was, wide and deep and deadly cold. He waddled around with large feet dangling over the side of his podium, but never a sound did he make. Not he. He was looking out of his pale lamp-like eyes for blind Democrats, which he grabbed with his long, thin fingers as quick as thinking. He liked meat too. Children he thought good, when he could get them; but he took care they never found him out. He just throttled them from behind, if they ever came down alone anywhere near the edge of the Senate chamber, while he was prowling about. They very seldom did, for they had a feeling that something unpleasant was lurking down there, down at the very roots of the Capitol.