Blackened lies

I never blamed you

—but now I do.

you see

growing up I didnt see

that, father, you were harming me.

I was thirteen

“living the dream”

as I counted my breaths

knowing how easily I could erase the freedom of one.

Did you even try to stop me as I tried to die?

(youletmyheartdie)

I never blamed you for you were my hero

who would save me from the slaps of your lover, my mother, by being there to "hug the pain away".

but now that you’ve shattered my rose coloured glasses with your own fists

do I see

you hovering in the corner

while you watched us bleed

hovering in the world of liquid lies

as you slipped away to “this is a paradise”.

and I never blamed you

for you were hurting too.

but you are my father

and I can’t help but wonder if the whole in my chest wouldn’t feel so empty

if the weight on my shoulders wouldn’t feel so heavy

if the headaches in my soul wouldn’t happen so often

if all this couldve been prevented

if

you

were there.

But. I didn’t blame you because you didn’t directly hurt us like mom.

but you still hurt us

by slipping away when we needed you the most

and randomly showing up at our side while we were in tears

as you told us it was “okay”.

but it wasn’t okay.

white lies are fine

but you crossed the line

when you let her commit the crime of abuse

and then let her again

and then let her again

and continue to let her

and tell us that you’re “doing it for us”.

white lies turned black like the ashes of our hopes and dreams, can’t you see that you harmed us just the same?

So.

I don’t blame you; but I’ve become to hate you.