Don’t

Lately, I don't feel anything, my minds sorta empty. Is this normal? I don't know anymore. Two very important people in my life said things to me that usually would make me smile and be happy about but I just sat there staring at the screen like “Idk what to say to that” so I faked it, not the best thing to do but I don't wanna say that to them and it turns into something big. Then again they don't judge me worth anything but still, it's my choice. I keep staring at the TV, my whole body limp and still. I keep trying to ask myself how I feel but I really don't know. I don't know if it's good judgment or not but, I almost told the boy I love that I don't wanna date anyone. I don't know if its im scared or I just don't want to. But if I can just say things like that to myself and be okay with it, do I deserve him, especially when he’s been so good to me. I don't know anymore. Everything’s a mess. I guess one of the reasons I don't wanna tell him is because the last time's it was me who broke it off so, I just didn't wanna do that again. I keep thinking why do we always start off so strong and loving then I get second thoughts. Cant help to feel it's just not gonna work no matter how hard I try. I love him and trust me I don't wanna lose him. I swore I wouldn’t but I feel like if I do or don't tell him I will. So I don't see a good option here. Nothing sounds good.