Being a “blogger” makes me LMAO

day 5 I’m still alive...

if only... What does that mean? What does anything mean that we say? Where do we get the meaning to our words we give so much power that we throw sticks, stones, bricks, and fists instead of just listening with our ears and giving our heart. What happened to our “Christian society” where we judge before we love. I see it all around me.... I experienced it.

how do you think someone loses it where they completely tear all their shit up? They are in a downward spiral and there is NO WAY OUT!!!

The world rejected me in 2018 and I became homeless walking the “most dangerous in all of texas” streets. All alone. Me walking the streets Not one fucking person cared. My bitch daughters all turned their backs on me and all said “fuck you, fuck off, and go fuck yourself all on the same day WHAT THE FUCK) this is the last I heard from them for 4 years.

alone.... REJECTED.... by everyone including my daughters

because of the choices I made. Always living my life for others NEVER for myself!

trust me I will be sharing more about those deep feelings later.

Why would I destroy all my shit?

So many reasons.... too many.... all I can do in this moment is follow the roots, don’t bury them.

and my guides want me to write about them, display them for all and anyone to read.

I found another site word press... don’t know if that would be another good place for me or not. Searching for a place to write has been its own journey. lol

so here i am writing about my deepest most private emotional moment!!!!

The Day I Destroyed The World Around Me!

While I was “homeless” my “stuff” was in storage. I found a way to pay the $200 a month storage fee but had No money for myself!!!

Can you even imagine?

Going from a 30 abusive marriage. Not allowed to watch tv. he would feel the back of the tv to make sure I didn’t watch it. not allowed to have a phone, have friends, be on the computer, not allowed to go anywhere or do anything without my daughters being with me. even Christmas shopping!!! I was very creative not letting them know what they got even though they were always with me.

He was a cop, and we built homes and pools too. When he beat me and I called the cops on him, I told them he was a cop they saw all the bruises on my face, they pulled him outside thinking I wouldn’t hear. but I ran to the garage where they were and the paper-thin garage doors did not stop me from hearing their words. they said to him quote ” dude you're a cop? you can’t be hitting your wife anymore. we understand people lose it and just hit without thinking. but you must NOT hit her in the face. as long as we don’t see the marks you will be ok” and so THAT IS WHAT HE DID!!! just didn’t “hit me in the face”!!! Bedford police told him that. He was friends with the chief of police and he could do anything he wanted to do!!!!

The man I married was most evil and said the most evil things yet he has convinced our daughters and the world it is me who is most evil.

Does it really make me “evil” because I am a Reiki Master Healer? Does it really make me evil because I lost my shit and tore the fuck up out of all my “stuff” just stuff NOT another person or animal just STUFF!

How does the world see me as evil when all I ever saw was “good”

My ex called me “positive pollyanna” in a degrading negative way, My daughter told me on the phone I am the most positive person she knows, then tells me I am evil, not welcome in her home with her next words. Is this hell? is earth hell? are we born in hell? yes, I believe so.

this is some crazy shit I am experiencing.... and I'm just beginning to share. how this story gets told I am not in control. I have given my heart and soul to a higher source, “our Creator” now these words have power.

writing is not something I thought I would be doing.

how can someone so innocent so pure and full of love snap? break? tear the fuck out of everything?

How would you feel if YOU had NO ONE not ONE person was in your life. Every shelter slammed their doors telling you to STOP calling, no one will give you a job because you were a “stay home mom” not out in the “work world” instead!!!

What would you do?

NO ONE NOT ONE PERSON ON EARTH GIVES A FUCK ABOUT YOU

what would you do?

Athena