stuff
it seems to me he would have been happier if I would have killed myself then just destroy my shit and some of his. So what it's just stuff.
If i had killed myself he would still have the stuff!
you always choose stuff over people don't you
Who’s “fault” is it?
he's being so mean about my stuff i tore up! he cares MORE about shit than me!
I have been begging him all day to please stop being mean, he is refusing and is continuing to be full of anger, rage and meaness!
only saying mean and hateful words!
saying it's ALL my fault like they always do!
they always try and blame me for their anger and rage!!!
I didn't hurt anyone but myself and I have Not asked for help. I am healing myself
He acts like I am not human with a heart
he is being so hateful
I was NEVER LOVE!
Athena
Nowhere
where do you go when you've been
R E J E C T E D
& you're all
ALONE?
Nowhere
there is
nowhere to go
you accept
and change
or
you deny
and bury
there is nowhere to go
death is not
the
answer
Blogger here, another meaningless day
If anyone knows how to help me get set up... lead me on the right path on how to set up a website please let me know, thank you. looks like I need a website to be a “real blogger” lol everywhere says you can make good money blogging.
I told “Peter” just now how I want to persue many ways of bringing income to me and he literally go MAD at me!!! he can’t tell me why... other than he says I said... he is mad at me when he’s not? hello someone please explain how my words are incorrect when he SAID HE IS MAD?!?!?! to LEAVE HIM ALONE HE IS MAD?!?!?!
he always gets mad when I ask him to explain his words instead of me taking them the way I hear them! He NEVER explains them differently than how I hear them he blows up saying I twist his words. I implore him to tell me how? to explain his words and he then yells he doesn’t know because I made him forget!!! and he NEVER EVER COMES BACK AND EXPLAINS!!!
This is supposed to be love? he ALWAYS CHOOSES ANGER!!! over just talking and listening he ALWAYS chooses mean words to say and pushes me away like I have cooties yet when he’s NOT mad he’s all over me cramming his cock in my mouth or my pussy and that is ok!!!
and the world wonders why women snap?!?!
he says I won’t make money blogging for months, ok that’s usually how things go. He says I don’t have the “luxury” of waiting but won’t explain what he means when he says that word.
I say anything is possible and when you are on the right path NOT fighting your destiny, your fate then things go more smoothly. I was trying to tell the asshole this but he only wants to be angry and be negative then tells me it’s all me!!! what the fuck?
So if you read this and you can be of help an Angel on Earth let me know. But also I won’t be sitting around waiting on you either, youtube teaches me a lot. I will find my way
problem is I can be taught incorrectly as well.
when you don’t know what you don’t know how do you know what you are learning is not correct? you don’t.
Be back Later BBL
gonna go do some research
Athena
Being a “blogger” makes me LMAO
day 5 I’m still alive...
if only... What does that mean? What does anything mean that we say? Where do we get the meaning to our words we give so much power that we throw sticks, stones, bricks, and fists instead of just listening with our ears and giving our heart. What happened to our “Christian society” where we judge before we love. I see it all around me.... I experienced it.
how do you think someone loses it where they completely tear all their shit up? They are in a downward spiral and there is NO WAY OUT!!!
The world rejected me in 2018 and I became homeless walking the “most dangerous in all of texas” streets. All alone. Me walking the streets Not one fucking person cared. My bitch daughters all turned their backs on me and all said “fuck you, fuck off, and go fuck yourself all on the same day WHAT THE FUCK) this is the last I heard from them for 4 years.
alone.... REJECTED.... by everyone including my daughters
because of the choices I made. Always living my life for others NEVER for myself!
trust me I will be sharing more about those deep feelings later.
Why would I destroy all my shit?
So many reasons.... too many.... all I can do in this moment is follow the roots, don’t bury them.
and my guides want me to write about them, display them for all and anyone to read.
I found another site word press... don’t know if that would be another good place for me or not. Searching for a place to write has been its own journey. lol
so here i am writing about my deepest most private emotional moment!!!!
The Day I Destroyed The World Around Me!
While I was “homeless” my “stuff” was in storage. I found a way to pay the $200 a month storage fee but had No money for myself!!!
Can you even imagine?
Going from a 30 abusive marriage. Not allowed to watch tv. he would feel the back of the tv to make sure I didn’t watch it. not allowed to have a phone, have friends, be on the computer, not allowed to go anywhere or do anything without my daughters being with me. even Christmas shopping!!! I was very creative not letting them know what they got even though they were always with me.
He was a cop, and we built homes and pools too. When he beat me and I called the cops on him, I told them he was a cop they saw all the bruises on my face, they pulled him outside thinking I wouldn’t hear. but I ran to the garage where they were and the paper-thin garage doors did not stop me from hearing their words. they said to him quote ” dude you're a cop? you can’t be hitting your wife anymore. we understand people lose it and just hit without thinking. but you must NOT hit her in the face. as long as we don’t see the marks you will be ok” and so THAT IS WHAT HE DID!!! just didn’t “hit me in the face”!!! Bedford police told him that. He was friends with the chief of police and he could do anything he wanted to do!!!!
The man I married was most evil and said the most evil things yet he has convinced our daughters and the world it is me who is most evil.
Does it really make me “evil” because I am a Reiki Master Healer? Does it really make me evil because I lost my shit and tore the fuck up out of all my “stuff” just stuff NOT another person or animal just STUFF!
How does the world see me as evil when all I ever saw was “good”
My ex called me “positive pollyanna” in a degrading negative way, My daughter told me on the phone I am the most positive person she knows, then tells me I am evil, not welcome in her home with her next words. Is this hell? is earth hell? are we born in hell? yes, I believe so.
this is some crazy shit I am experiencing.... and I'm just beginning to share. how this story gets told I am not in control. I have given my heart and soul to a higher source, “our Creator” now these words have power.
writing is not something I thought I would be doing.
how can someone so innocent so pure and full of love snap? break? tear the fuck out of everything?
How would you feel if YOU had NO ONE not ONE person was in your life. Every shelter slammed their doors telling you to STOP calling, no one will give you a job because you were a “stay home mom” not out in the “work world” instead!!!
What would you do?
NO ONE NOT ONE PERSON ON EARTH GIVES A FUCK ABOUT YOU
what would you do?
Athena
Remember
Today the world only knows
Hate
It is destiny or is it
fate
~The People have lost their way
They think life is about having a
big home
a shiney new car
a J O B with the most money
a trip around the world,
even to the Moon and Mars
~People have lost their way
They forgot who they are
Who they are created to be
and got struck in the
Rat Race
Pretending...
Making others happy
Working____Paying Bills
Barely Surving____Living in Hell
Working to Live... Living to Work.
~People have lost their way
You cannot get to heaven in a
shiney new car
That's the earth's way
Heaven is beyond the
Moon and Mars
The ONLY "work" that
leads you to "heaven" is
YOU
The only way you can
SHOW
love to the One who made ja
IS...
Loving You the Best❣️
When you love you the best
Loving you as you are created
to be
You are loving your Creator
it's that easy.
Save your money
That's satan's treasure
All God wants is your
Heart ❤️
and for you to
remember
~REMEMBER~
Who you are
To find your way
and
love you the best
Tommorrow may not
get here
Today is ALL you have
So make Today your BEST
Athena
8/29/2019
War of Words
You can't handle my words. You will take my account. You say one thing and do another. You say words don't matter until you hear or read my words.
My words have so much power they make you feel, they become real.
If you can think it. It exists.
You say it's ok to "share your truth"... until I do
Athena
What a f#@king Disaster!
day 4~
Cleaning the disaster. Everything is broken, who was I? How did I do all that? If it was on the wall I tore it off the wall. I broke and tore everything up. How? Why? Who was I?
What makes someone snap? How do I share something I DON'T REMEMBER?
I can only share what I am lead to share as it's NOT my idea to EVEN write about this. ( sad face
Snap, Crackle, POP goes the “housewife”
you say you can say whatever you want to me
and I gotta “get over it”
but I've gotta shut my mouth unless
you wanna put your dick in it!
and you act like women should never snap!
WTF?!?!?
Your place was trashed when I got here.
Everything was disgusting.
I cleaned it like it was my own place.
you didn't appreciate what I did for us
making this place feel like paradise.
You say things you don't mean
and don't remember your words
then get mad when I ask what you mean
you say you love me and talked me into
giving you a chance in proving you love me after all you already did,
how is any of this love?
all you want to do is
S H O U T
Never talk, that's what this is all about
because I want to talk and you tell me to shut up!!! Stop talking!!! How is it LOVE to Shout at someone instead of Just T A L K I N G?!?!?
You think you say can anything you want
and shout and I'm never gonna SNAP?
WE ALL HAVE A BREAKING POINT
I FOUND MINE. oh boy
Im sad I have been pushed here, with all I do for you
Now that it's your turn to forgive you aren't so willing.
Athena