A Greedy Loneliness That Hungers
Living in a bubble of isolation
Even when the people that matter the most
Are right next to you
Like, everytime I breathe
There's something missing in the air
My lungs collapse
Harder still to expand
Until I'm a stuttering mess
Every conversation stops making sense
I try to reach out
It's not enough
The warmth of a hug doesn't last forever
I wake in the night with a chill that reaches my bones
In the morning, I try my best to smile
While in reality,
All I want to do is hold on
Imprison their hand in mine
Never let go
It's not a reality
Sooner or later,
They have to let go
Sooner or later,
I have to let go
Life moves on no matter the consequences,
Or the situations that lead to this
I find myself alone again
Surrounded by the voices of friends,
Of family
That linger outside the bubble I'm trapped in
That is reality
The distance,
Although close,
Has never been further
Created by my lonesome self,
Or God,
I wouldn't be sure
I'm lonely when I'm not alone
Living life in third person
When all I want to be is "in person"
My love feels boundless,
Yet, burrowed deep within me
I can't help dissociating
Maybe, I'm overwhelmed by the world
Maybe, I just can't take this
So I keep the world at a distance,
Despite wanting to drown in it,
Despite wanting to spend every day breathing life in
I'm envious, I'm jealous
Of all the people who seem able to wake up early morning
Just to smile at the sun,
To touch every leaf on every flower that catches their attention
To be able to hug someone, and the warmth lingers
Stays, fills their hearts with love
To fall asleep, dream in colors of joy
Instead of nightmares
Jealous of those knowing tomorrow a heart will beat with yours
I want the company my soul needs,
Instead, I'm afraid
If I ever meet someone who can love me,
I might devour them in my craving to escape my loneliness