she’s gone

a sketchy store for an eleven year old to be,

shopping for something an eleven year old should never buy,

poison in the form of diet pills,

i watch from afar, without even a hesitation she puts the rectangle box in her hand, and quickly jolts to the cashier, and walks out, around a corner to the nearest public bathroom,

i watch her enter a stall, i hear the crinkle of the thin metal and plastic,

i hear her take the water bottle out of her jacket,

and then the scene of me with the pills in my hand and the water in another flashes in my mind,

following that same thought was pain,

flashes of pain from all the overdoses to follow, the broken trust of parents and friends, the long nights with hunger pangs, the pain in your chest, the hospital, the news that you caused your heart to rot,

poison, poison, poison

"it'll kill you, you know?"

"what?"

"the pills"

"it's just a one time thing"

"that's what i said, and it was hundreds of times"

"i'll be fine, it's just a temporary solution"

"why is a solution needed when there isn't a problem to begin with?"

"you don't know what you're talking about"

"and that's where you're wrong, this "little decision" is about to change your life forever, this little decision will cause you to do unspeakable things, this little decision will cause your beautiful mind, body, and soul to grow ugly, your limbs will grow weak, you'll get tired, and nearly drop dead, and that's not all, because now because of this your future has grown bleak, and you'll have to make do with the reality that you have no one left, your body is now ruined beyond reverse, and you will never be the same"

"but i wanna look like them"

"it's not worth it, just wait and see, and everything will be okay"

"promise to throw those out"

"i promise"

- if i could tell her how beautiful she was, i'd do it in an instant